A long-time neighbor’s daughter is getting married in April. The bride-to-be invited my husband and me to the wedding but did not invite our adult daughter. She also left out two other childhood friends from the same street where they all grew up and whose weddings she attended. Our families are all still very close and we are upset that the adult children have not been included.
To my knowledge, there has never been a falling-out. In fact, the bride was a bridesmaid in my daughter’s wedding. I have already sent in my RSVP as a “Yes” but now want to decline the invitation. Would I be out of line if I were to withdraw my RSVP, and tell her in a direct but respectful way the reason I cannot attend?
Weddings have a way of stirring up all sorts of emotions.
It’s important to remember that it is not our place to question the reasoning behind the guest list. Difficult decisions have to be made by the bride and groom when it comes to who they will be able to include in their special day. Often times, there are limits on how many people the venue can accommodate, not to mention budgetary considerations. Perhaps the bride hasn’t spoken to her childhood neighbors in a few years, or she had to trim the guest list down after reviewing their finances.
It is certainly your prerogative to change your RSVP, although it’s not a favorable choice. If you decide to retract your attendance, I recommend skipping the confrontation. The bride may misinterpret your tone or feel pressured to squeeze in the others when she doesn’t have the room.
Simply send a note saying that something has come up and you won’t be able to attend the wedding. I think it is still important to send a gift. Try not to take this as a personal attack on your daughter and allow your daughter to handle her own relationships.