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Proper Etiquette for Announcing Your Engagement

23 May 2011 By: Diane Gottsman

Nothing is more exciting than getting engaged. Whether you’re newly engaged or are already enjoying wedded bliss, you know the pressure an engagement can bring on. Here are a few tips to get your engagement started on the right (or left) finger.

 Proper Etiquette For Announcing Your Engagement

  1. Can I mass email my engagement news? Avoid using Facebook, Twitter or text to notify those closest to you.  Close family and friends should be informed first, before you tell your neighbor and the postman.  Mass emails are impersonal and send the message of “lazy”.
  2. Do I have to go “full speed” ahead once I announce my engagement? Spend time enjoying the engagement period before the wedding.  Before jumping into the “stress” of wedding fever, savor the moments leading up to the big day.  Plan carefully and enjoy the journey.
  3. When should I have an engagement party? Optimally, the engagement party should be held to celebrate the special occasion shortly after the proposal.  While there is no time frame that is set in stone, 3 weeks to 3 months after the your fiancé has popped the question is an appropriate length of time. Take into consideration how long the engagement is going to be before the actual wedding and who will be on the guest list.  Some out of town guests may need to make plans and schedule time off for the occasion.
  4. When should I announce the engagement? It’s a good idea to be divorced before announcing the engagement. Sounds like common sense but…just saying!  Any time after close family has been informed, but not before your mother and grandmother have been notified.
  5. Who can throw an engagement party? An engagement party can be thrown by a family member (traditionally the parents of the bride), a close friend or the even the couple themselves.  While a shower cannot be thrown by the bride and groom, an engagement celebration can be thrown by anyone willing to cover the cost of the event.
  6. Should I invite the entire wedding guest list? The engagement party should be limited to close family and friends.  Out of town invitations should be carefully thought out before putting pressure on people who may feel obligated to attend, especially if they will soon return for the wedding.
  7. Can I invite some guests to the engagement party and then others to the wedding? Everyone on the engagement invitation list must also be included on the wedding guest list.
  8. Can I use an Evite rather than a written invitation? Several years ago the answer would have been “No”, however, depending on the venue and formality of the party, an Evite is much more acceptable today, especially when we are all trying to be more “green”.  However, I still prefer snail mail for invitations but understand the reason for e-cards.  I absolutely draw the line of wedding invitations and thank you notes!
  9. Do I bring a gift to an engagement party? This is one wedding function where gifts are not expected.  Should you receive a gift, wait until your guests have left before opening the package.
  10. How big should the engagement party be? This would be a great time to introduce family members from both sides of the bride and groom as well as close friends.  Keep the gathering small and save the larger event for the wedding ceremony and reception.

Best Wishes,

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.