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Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

Holiday Party Etiquette: Definition of “Black Tie”

10 Dec 2013 By: Diane Gottsman

It’s that time of year again…when men and women start to panic, asking, “What do they mean by Black Tie?”   I asked a  Twitter friend, Rishi Chullani, the founder of Suit Up, Dress Up, to sum it up for those gearing up for the season’s celebrations. I added a few pictures from my Pinterest page to give you a holiday kick start.

Black Tie for Him

The requirement is a tuxedo, though there are always those that try and get away with wearing a dark suit and black tie.

A single breasted tuxedo with a notched lapel will flatter any body type, while a shawl lapel will compliment a leaner frame.  A formal tuxedo shirt will typically have a pleated front (to the waist only, so that it doesn’t buckle when you sit down). The waist is always covered with either a cummerbund or waistcoat or double-breasted dinner jacket, which is never unbuttoned in public.

Trousers should always have a stripe up the outside leg on the seam of satin, silk or grosgrain (matching the facing of the jacket lapel).  While tuxedo pants can be pleated, given the modern man’s inclination towards fitted jackets, for both suits and tuxedos, flat front pants would be the ideal option.  And most importantly, no cuffs on your tuxedo pants.

Black Tie Etiquette by Diane Gottsman Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority

Image: Ralph Lauren

Black Tie for Her

A black floor length dress is the standard for a Black Tie event. Some women may prefer a very dressy shorter dress and that should be left up to the discretion of the host, the formality of the venue and personal taste. Black tie events embody the concept of subtle elegance and dressing conservatively will always boost your standing at a black tie event. Sparkly earrings and a rhinestone bracelet will look fabulous with your dress of choice.

Black Tie Etiquette by Diane Gottsman Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority

Image: Rent the Runway

Cocktail Attire for Him

Cocktails, by definition, are a notch down from a black tie event.  Cocktail party attendees will typically wear a suit with a tie; dark colored suits are the standard for cocktail attire.  Shirt color should typically be white or of a lighter color, and it is best to go with a solid color tie at a cocktail event.  Leave the more whimsical stuff for the festive family parties where you can accessorize, mix and match with a greater degree of freedom.

When the cocktail party is more formal, a pocket square is traditionally worn.  Contrary to popular belief, the color of the pocket square should not be identical to the tie, but rather, should contrast.  If you’re sporting a navy blue tie, try a burgundy colored pocket square.  Socks should be long and dark, and don’t overlook a good shoe polish.

Black Tie Etiquette by Diane Gottsman Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority

Image: J.Crew

Cocktail Attire for Her

Cocktail dresses are generally knee length dresses that range from just above the knee to just under the knee.  Cocktail attire can be worn in any fabric, though it is best to match the fabric to the nature of the party.  Darker colors such as silk and satin give off a more formal look.  The primary goal of your cocktail dress is to have fun and flatter your body; combine your dress with a small evening bag that compliments your look.

Black Tie Etiquette by Diane Gottsman Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority

Image: J.Crew

Festive Attire for Him

This is a time to have fun with your wardrobe.  While Black Tie events and Cocktail parties are great to dress up for, there is nothing like ‘Festive’ which encourages the guest to dress in a more creative, yet stylish way.  Draw inspiration from the season and dress to impress. Wear a knitted or woolen olive green tie under a burgundy sweater, throw on a pair of slacks, and you will look “GQ” before you can say ‘Merry Christmas’.

Black Tie Etiquette by Diane Gottsman Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority

Image: Brooks Brothers

Festive Attire for Her

Given that this is the most casual of the choices mentioned, feel free to express your holiday style in a beautiful way. Dressing in a sequin or beaded party dress will definitely bring the party to life.

Black Tie Etiquette by Diane Gottsman Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority

Image: Kate Spade

Many thanks Rishi for your holiday tips.

Happy Holidays, 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.

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Also, the nice thing about interviewing etiquette experts was they all returned my call. Thanks @Debretts @williamhanson Laura @PolishedManners and @DianeGottsman for bringing some clarity to protocol chaos

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Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, sought after industry leader, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas,
a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training.

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