Ask the Etiquette Expert: Invitation Etiquette

Is a handwritten invitation the best choice for special events?

A handwritten invitation is always the most personal form of correspondence. Depending on the occasion, a pretty paperless e-vite can save money, time and headaches for both the host and the guest (and is more eco-friendly). When deciding between the two, consider the occasion before making your final decision. For example, a baptism, wedding or graduation would generally call for a handwritten invitation.

When is it appropriate to send out my invitations as a Facebook event, instead of by email or USPS?

With nearly all of your friends on Facebook, it would seem all too easy to create a Facebook event and skip the hassle of purchasing and mailing invites, or bothering with e-vites. However, unless you are promoting a large-scale event needing to draw a crowd, I recommend skipping the Facebook invite.  There is so much activity on Facebook, the chances of your friends missing your invite are far greater than one sent by email or mail, so opt for Facebook as a last, or added option.

What is the best way to respond to an RSVP?

Use the wording on the invitation as your guide. If the card says, “Regrets only,” you need only to respond if you don’t plan to attend.  A response card, enclosed in the invitation, requires a handwritten response to the host. Make sure to reply by the date stated on the card and use the stamped envelope provided. Treat an e-vite RSVP with the same importance as an invitation received through the mail, responding in a timely manner. If the invitation does not require an RSVP, it is still good form to call the host and let her know whether or not you plan to attend.

What if I get a better offer and need to change my RSVP response?

Once you have committed to attend an event, provided you do not become seriously ill, or have another legitimate emergency, it is impolite to cancel. This is especially true if you are forgoing one party to attend a “better offer”. Think about the message you are sending the host of the first event, and how it will affect the relationship moving forward.

Is it bad manners to ask who is on the guest list?

While it’s not bad manners to casually ask who else will be attending the event, it is not good form to ask for a copy of the guest list and base your decision on who is on (or off) the list.

Can I call the host and ask to bring a date?

Unless a specific name, or the word “guest” is cited on the envelope of the invitation, asking to bring a “plus one” may push the host to agree to the added guest under duress. If your husband or fiancé was left off the invitation, you can assume it may have been an oversight and double check with your host, but if your children are not named on the envelope, it’s a good bet they are not invited.

How should I let people know I want them to dress up for the party?

If you have a particular dress code in mind, or you are holding the party at a venue that requires a coat and tie, be specific on the invitation. “Festive”, “Party Clothes” and “Fun” are not descriptive enough. Use the words “Formal Attire”, “Black Tie” (for very formal events) or “Business Casual” to make it clear to your guests what is expected. If you still wish to use a unique dress attire title, “Sunday Best” is an example of a creative way to describe how you want your guests dressed without causing confusion.

If I have to call the event off at the last minute, do I have to do it personally?

Certainly, after you have set the date and received the RSVPs, it’s never a good idea to change plans…but, things happen and people get sick or have unexpected emergencies. When possible, make the call yourself. If you are unable, designate someone to call each guest and let them know there has been a last minute change. For those who cannot be reached by phone, follow up with an email or text. Have someone waiting at the event location to meet those who may not have received the message and apologize for the unfortunate inconvenience.