There comes a time in any serious relationship when the coveted invitation arrives: your significant other asks you to meet their family over the holidays. It’s an exciting milestone that can also be fraught with doubt – what are the parents like? How do they celebrate the holidays? Will they like you? Will you like them?
Take a deep breath and relax. With a bit of forethought and a few tips, you can help set the stage for a great first impression and an enjoyable visit.
Bring a Hostess Gift
Ask your significant other if there is anything his or her family particularly enjoys or needs. The gift could be a fun family board game, a beautiful candle, a tray of cookies or a bottle of wine. It’s not necessary to spend a lot of money – it truly is the thought that counts. A hostess gift shows you are excited to be invited and appreciate the welcome.
Offer to Bring a Dish
Just as with any dinner invitation, ask ahead of time if there’s anything you can bring, whether it’s an appetizer, side dish, dessert or beverage. If they say no, you can always bring a basket of muffins that they can enjoy the next morning. If you have dietary restrictions, consider bringing something that you can eat but that others might also enjoy.
Roll Up Your Sleeves
Be a guest they’ll look forward to having back. Offer to help with cooking or to clean up after the meal. If you are staying for several days, jump in with household duties and make sure to keep your living area tidy. Chatting by the stovetop while they wash dishes and you dry them can be an easy, enjoyable way to get to know one another.
Make Conversation
Take advantage of this opportunity to get to know your sweetheart’s family. Make sure to put your cell phone away and do not park yourself in front of the television. Have a few questions mentally filed away that you can use to jump-start a conversation. You already have common ground in your significant other, so a fun conversation could start by simply asking the family what your partner was like as a child.
Follow House Rules
If your visit involves sleeping over, be prepared to sleep wherever your host has prepared a place for you. Even if you live with your significant other, remember you are a guest, and it’s most polite to respect your host’s wishes when it comes to sleeping arrangements. Turn in to your assigned guest room and enjoy a great night’s rest.
Bite Your Tongue
You may be immersing yourself in a household with a culture, holiday traditions, political ideology or religious affiliation that differ significantly from your own. You may have strong opinions on a variety of matters, but this isn’t the time to discuss them. Even if others initiate a political discussion over pumpkin pie, it’s probably better to avoid contributing to a heated debate on your first visit. Your opinion is important, but it doesn’t mean you have to share it. Aim to stay neutral on potentially inflammatory or divisive topics when meeting the parents.
Be Flexible
If it’s your first holiday away from your own family, it will undoubtedly come with some different traditions. If your mother bakes five kinds of pie from scratch, you may be shocked when your boyfriend’s mom pulls out a store-bought, frozen cake. Your family may scatter and head for the movies after an early dinner, while you’re celebrating with a family that spends the day watching football together and then eats an evening meal. Stay flexible, be ready for anything and keep smiling. Enjoy the moments because they all matter.
You may also like How to Holiday Travel Tips and House Guest Etiquette. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
Sincerely,
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