Dinner Party Etiquette: Serving and Removing Food From the Dinner Table

As you prepare to attend a dinner party, there’s more to consider than a suitable gift for your host. Of course, you’ll feel better arriving with a lovely hostess gift, but a quick etiquette refresher will put you at ease. Feeling confident and in control allows you to engage in conversation, enjoying your time in the company of fellow guests.

Take a Seat

When arriving at the dining table, take your seat and wait for your host to begin the meal service. He or she may propose a welcome toast at the start of the meal. In a corporate setting, men and women will seat themselves. At a social event, the man seats the woman to his right.

What to Expect

Glassware will be set to the right and a bread plate to the left of your place setting when you arrive at the table. The first course may be a soup course, served in a bowl with a plate underneath. Don’t begin until the host has a chance to welcome their guests.

When the first course is complete, and fellow guests have finished, the bowl and plate will be removed together (along with the soup spoon if applicable).

The Main Course

Guests should begin eating at the same time. If the dinner party is large, a host may require some assistance when serving the meal. Serving begins to the right of the host and goes around the table to the right. Food will be served to the left of the guest, using the left hand, and is removed one plate at a time, with the left hand.

When passing platters of food, two large serving forks will likely be included (or a large serving spoon and fork). Pass them to the right, facing down on the platter, with the handles directed towards the next guest for easy access of the utensils.

Beverages

Stemware is filled and refilled from the right, with special care taken by your server not to touch the rim of the glass. Beverages are removed from the right with the right hand. The host, or server, will avoid reaching across a guest to serve another guest. When a water glass or wine glass is refilled, it will be positioned on the table as your host or server moves in to pour (holding the water vessel or wine bottle in their right hand, using their left hand to catch any spill with a linen napkin).

Multiple crystal pitchers of water may be placed along the table for guests to serve themselves throughout the meal. The same may be true for wine bottles at an informal dinner.

Changing Courses

All plates and utensils are removed from the table before starting the next course. Generally, platters, trays and silverware will be removed first. Plates and the bread basket will follow, with plates never being stacked. As multiple plates from different guests are removed, your host or server will use their left hand to remove the plate and then transfer the plate to their right hand, leaving their hand available to remove the next guest’s plate.

Dessert

Dessert is not served until dinner plates, trays and used utensils have been removed from the table. The French word desservir means “to clear the table,” and is a friendly reminder to remove all indicators of the main course before moving forward with dessert. Before dessert, all empty glasses will be refilled. The champagne for the dessert toast will be poured, and coffee will be offered. Wait until fellow guests have received their dessert before indulging.

Keep in Mind:

If there is an extremely slow eater at the table, the host may start clearing plates as discreetly as possible so other guests will not be held up too long. It will also give the lone guest a gentle nudge.

When gravy is offered at the table, a small serving spoon will be included in the gravy serving piece. The gravy container will also include a small plate, set underneath, to catch spills. If there is an indentation in the serving pieces, the spoon can rest in the gravy server. If not, it may rest behind the dish on the saucer. The second option is quite messy.

Fun Fact:
A slice of cake or pie should be placed in front of the guest with the point facing them, or at a slight angle, rather than facing the guest across the table.

You may also like Common Dinner Party Etiquette Mistakes. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.