At one time or another, most of us have felt caught off guard, uncomfortable or even offended when asked a particular question. Family members and longtime friends may feel they are exempt from practicing discretion before opening their mouths.
Of course, we have all wished, at one time or another, that we could take back what we just said. The list below is a gentle reminder for us all regarding what not to ask!
Are those your real … (nails, teeth, hair, etc.)
Unless you are going in for surgery, or the info is necessary to make a decision that affects your health, don’t go down this road. Even then, be cautious with your phrasing. A more delicate approach could be, “I’m considering getting porcelain veneers and wondered if you knew of a cosmetic dentist with a great reputation?” The exception: when the information is volunteered.
How much did you pay for that?
Even when you preface the question with, “I hope you don’t mind me asking …”, it’s still rude! A car, house, new dress or piece of jewelry is a personal purchase, and if someone wants to share the cost, they will let you know. You may be asking because you want to buy something similar, but it is easy enough to find the answer online.
Are you sure you can afford it?
Along the same lines as “How much did you pay?” is the follow-up question, “Can you afford it?” Unless you are paying, it is not your business how another person spends their money. Your values or priorities may be different from theirs, but asking if they can afford a purchase sends the message you think they are making a bad decision or an impractical choice.
Why haven’t you and (your significant other) set a date yet?
Not everyone has the same goals or ideals as you do, and it may not be a top priority or even in the plans to marry. Reserve this one for your significant other if he/she hasn’t popped the question and it is an important topic for YOU!
When is the baby due?
There may be a slight chance you may have mistaken a piece of ill-fitting clothing for a baby bump. Or, the friend may not be ready to discuss the news.
When do you plan to have kids? Or, when will you have your next baby?
There could be a multitude of reasons why a couple has not had a child, some of them more painful than others. The question is not only invasive but could stir up deep emotions.
Who do you plan to vote for?
Politics should be kept off the table at any social or corporate function. There will always be a conversation about what is in the news, and feel free to join in, as long as you don’t put someone directly on the spot. If you have strong feelings, use your best judgment on how you share and when you should keep your mouth shut. Asking someone how they plan to vote in the next election is a conversational disaster waiting to happen.
Where are you from?
This could be an honest attempt to make conversation or a curious effort to inquire about someone’s country of origin or ethnicity. Some people may not be offended, while others may take it as an affront. It’s a question that should be broached with caution until you get to know someone better so they understand your true intention.
Are you dating anyone?
Another touchy subject because you don’t have the inside scoop on their dating life. They may be seeing someone, but not ready to share until it becomes more serious. Or, they could have recently broken up with someone and are going through the grief process. Or, they may not have an interest at this moment – none of this is your concern unless they freely offer the information first.
What do you think about my new haircut?
Unless you are ready for an honest answer, don’t put someone on the spot. Chances are, even if they aren’t fond of the style, you won’t get a true answer. Few people want to hurt another person’s feelings.
You may also like 11 Modern Etiquette Tips to Use Every Day. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow Diane on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
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