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Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

Five Ways to Disagree and Still Remain Civil

01 Aug 2019 By: Diane Gottsman

Most of us strive to be team players, getting along with colleagues and contributing to a harmonious atmosphere at work. That said, there will be times when we disagree with someone else’s opinion in the office.

how to disagree at work

While serving on a committee, working on a group project or interacting with others in virtually any capacity, opinions don’t always perfectly align. When this occurs, healthy dialogue can be especially productive, helping both parties to learn something new or understand a different perspective before a final decision is made.

It is possible to express a difference of opinion respectfully and positively. Here are five ways to politely disagree:

Keep the Emotion Out of the Discussion

Our views are often based on our personal experience and can be deeply ingrained. When others have ideas that contradict our beliefs, it can feel like a personal attack. Resist the tendency to make it about who’s right and who’s wrong. Focus on the facts as you listen objectively and explain your thoughts. Patience also falls under this category. Even if the appropriate path seems perfectly obvious, you won’t sway others with a disparaging tone.

Speak Like a Diplomat

Use the right language to make your point without putting others on the defensive. There are a variety of polite phrases to convey a contradictory point: “I hear what you are saying. I’d like you to consider…” or “I don’t completely understand…” If you agree with part of their argument, use common ground to build consensus: “I agree with you on X, but I think we should research a few alternate ideas for next steps.” Avoid starting sentences with the word “you,” which is the fastest way to turn the conversation into a personal grudge, especially when it’s followed by “always” or “never.” As you communicate, use proper body language. Keep your expression pleasant and abstain from rolling your eyes, shaking your head or raising your voice, no matter how great the temptation.

Accept That Conflict is a Vital Part of Doing Business

In a forward-thinking environment, challenges to the status quo are welcomed. Don’t back away from broaching important information because it goes against the group consensus. Your boss is not interested in being surrounded by “Yes” people, but thoughtful, open-minded employees who are interested in discussions that will benefit the company and clients.

Focus on the Outcome

Research the topic from all the angles before taking a firm stand. Avoid getting so attached to winning the argument you lose sight of the objective. Remain composed and refer to long-term goals and the big picture before pressing ahead.

Know When to Stop

As part of the team, your role is to present the facts you feel need to be considered in the decision-making process. Once your supervisor has made their choice, let the matter drop and turn your energy to supporting the group. Back up whatever direction is selected and do your best to accomplish a successful end result. Maintain your professionalism and earn the respect of those around you as someone with ideas worth listening to.

This article originally appeared on Huffington Post. You may also like Technology Etiquette for the Modern Office. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow Diane on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.

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Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, sought after industry leader, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas,
a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training.

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