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Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

6 Toxic People to Remove from Your Contact List Today

31 Jan 2020 By: Diane Gottsman

We all have toxic people in our life—when a friend continuously fails to provide fundamental support to your relationship, it may be time to evaluate whether it has reached the end of its life cycle.

Purposely choosing to associate with people who frustrate, confuse or drain your energy is not the best use of your resources.

It has been said that friends are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Moving on from an unhealthy relationship is sometimes necessary for your personal or mental well-being. Exiting a dysfunctional situation may also open the door to new opportunities. Intentionally continuing to associate with people who are toxic or who drain your energy is not the best use of your valuable time.

toxic people

Previously published on Huff Post.

Here are six personality types you might want to consider deleting from your contact list this year:

The Plan Canceller

This person is fun to be around when they take the time to show up. They routinely cancel plans at the last minute or double or triple book, giving you a limited version of their best self before they run off to another party or event. They are often “better deal” players, scrapping plans if something more exciting comes up. It’s hard to count on them because you never really know if they will follow through.

The Self-Absorbed

This is the friend who is so self-absorbed every conversation circles back to them. Anything you mention reminds them of a similar story, which they share in excruciating detail. You listen attentively to their tales, yet they never get back around to the original conversation which started with something that just happened to you. Sponges usually attach themselves to patient listeners; however, listening is a two-way street. It may be in your best interest to develop friendships in which the other person is equally interested in what you have to say.

The Saboteur

This is the person who wants to go bar-hopping when you are trying to cut back on drinking, brings over pints of chocolate chip ice cream when you are on a diet and pesters you to take an expensive vacation when you are on a tight budget. They are well aware you are trying to improve yourself but intentionally sabotage your efforts for their own personal gain. When you push back, they get mad and won’t talk to you for several months at a time. Before you cut them from your list, have a candid conversation about how you feel. The relationship may be worth salvaging if they understand your motives.

The One-Upper

Whether your news is good or bad, they always have you beat. You share you’re getting a new promotion, and they are about to be named partner with their firm, get the coveted corner office and a fat raise. Your cat got into a fight with the neighbor’s cat. Their dog got into a fight with a bear. Invest in relationships that are more supportive and less competitive.

The Gossip

You know the intimate details of all their friends’ lives, no matter how personal or confidential. They begin all their conversations with, “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but…” While it may feel good to be in the inner loop for a while, rest assured everything you share with them is being broadcast to all their other loyal listeners. Trust is an important factor when it comes to friendship and business, and your status update should not be shared with anyone who will listen to them.

The Pessimist

They don’t just see the glass as half-empty, they revel in doom and gloom. After spending a short amount of time with them, you walk away darker and gloomier than before. Some people enjoy making negativity an infectious habit. Instead, choose to surround yourself with people who are uplifting and optimistic. Positivity is contagious. Ditch the naysayers and find some happier friends!

You may also like 5 Types of Joy Stealers and How to Overcome Them. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram, and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.

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Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, sought after industry leader, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas,
a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training.

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