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Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

Social Media Dating Etiquette: Do I Need To Delete Photos of My Ex

23 Aug 2021 By: Diane Gottsman

Celebrity exes often make headlines for “unfollowing” one another on social media or deleting photos where the two appear together. Naturally, speculation may swirl, especially when one ex hits “unfollow” before the other (yikes!). As much as a couple may wish to keep their romantic lives private, their social media activity is often in the public eye. But, scrutiny of activity on social media is not only limited to A-list celebrities. Friends, frenemies, family, mates and exes all take special note of what you do on social media.

social media dating etiquette | couple taking selfie

It’s not unusual for questions around social media etiquette to surface, whether during an in-person session, from an Ask the Etiquette Expert message or elsewhere. Social media, by design, is meant to feel personal and, ideally, is a space where you should freely follow, unfollow, like, love, mute and more. Keep reading for some commonly asked social media dating etiquette questions, including my response to “Do I need to delete photos of my ex on my social media accounts?”

Social Media Dating Etiquette Q and A’s:

Q: Is it rude or a sign of aggression to “unfriend” someone (including an ex)?

A: It’s not necessarily a sign of anger or aggression to unfriend someone. There can be several reasons behind the act, such as:

  • A romantic breakup
  • A serious difference of opinion
  • A broken friendship
  • A lack of trust
  • Simply losing contact (and interest in their posts)
  • Friends who pressure friends to buy their latest pyramid scheme product
  • Too many annoying posts and you don’t want to engage or encourage them

Q: When is it too soon to make your relationship “Instagram official” – the new way to let others know you’re a couple?

A: Not everyone feels the need to advertise their relationship status, especially when they value their privacy; however, when you start to notice the pictures of the occasional person becoming more prominent, it’s a sign that something has changed. Before you put anything online, it’s important to be on the same page as your potential love interest. “Too soon” would be any time the other person feels uncomfortable. Some people opt to keep their personal life entirely off social media, so it would be a mistake to assume you know everything about someone solely from their posts.

Q: Should a current love interest be expected to remove photos of former partners from their feed?

A: Some people stay friendly with an ex and share many happy memories with mutual friends who are also in the picture. Other mates share families and children, and it would be difficult to separate the two, nor would they want to do this because they are still family. But, if your current love interest still has multiple pictures of their ex, in various stages of canoodling, and you have let them know it’s a problem for you and they won’t take them down, consider it a red flag.

The appropriate thing to do in a dedicated relationship would be to remove the previous photos of a former girlfriend or boyfriend because the natural inclination is for people to assume the worst. If their ex still has pictures visible on their account, it could be an oversight or a tell-tale sign they are still processing the breakup, holding out hope or not ready to let go. Or, they simply may like the pictures. Whatever the case may be, taking the photos down is a sign of respect to your current partner and demonstrates you are both on the same page. If they refuse (and they should really do it on their own without you asking!), it’s probably an indicator of things to come, whether it be ego, compromise issues or worse.

Q: Is it inappropriate to “stalk” another person’s page if you want to know who their friends are friends with on Instagram or Facebook?

A: Social media is meant to be social, and we give people permission to do what they want to do based on our privacy settings. We have all experienced going down a rabbit hole by looking at a post, then following the post to another site, and then another. You start out originally looking at a recipe on a friend’s page, then somehow wander off to another friend’s exercise video, and the next thing you know, you are ordering a pocket knife for your uncle’s birthday!

When it comes to relationships, a girlfriend/boyfriend’s problem with someone looking at someone else’s page is based on insecurity or jealousy. There may be a reason for them to feel this way or it may be an irrational fear. Truly, there is nothing wrong with looking at other people’s posts as long as your intentions are in the right place.

Q: Should I trust someone who won’t ever post pictures of me on social media but posts everything he eats, watches and smells on an hourly basis?

A: It’s not necessarily a trust issue, although it could be. Posting pictures of nachos and talking about the smell of lemon-scented Lysol isn’t the same as putting something out there that is highly personal and emotional. It’s up to you to decide your comfort level, and I would suggest talking with this person to hear their reasons for keeping your picture offline.

For more information, check out The Protocol School of Texas. You may also like Dating Dilemmas Q & A. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on The Huffington Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.

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Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, sought after industry leader, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas,
a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training.

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