Am I Rude for Asking a Friend or Family Member for Their Vaccination Status?

It’s a reasonable question, and one many of us want to know, but asking three simple words, “Are you vaccinated?” has the potential to start a family feud or incite a friendship war. The potential for discord is higher when a person is uncomfortable answering what they feel is an invasive and personal question. During a recent interview, I discussed “How To Ask Your Hairdresser, Dentist or Teacher About Their Vaccination Status,” but when it comes to friends and family, it can get sticky.

The unvaccinated may feel awkward when hearing the question—they are likely tired of the comments and opinions of those of us who feel strongly about the importance and value of the vaccine. By asking any type of personal question, you are inserting yourself into their private world and their personal reasons for not wanting to receive the vaccine. However, their discomfort is not a good enough reason to avoid raising this deeply important question.

Where Things Stand

At the time of this post, fully vaccinated individuals may socialize with other vaccinated individuals without wearing a mask or exercising physical distance. They may also socialize with unvaccinated individuals who are low risk for severe health issues. But, the question remains, who really knows who is and who is not suddenly at risk? Until recently, I would have thought I was perfectly fine if it were not for a lifelong health issue that surfaced later in my life. Here are a few tips on how to ask the vaccine question.

Specifically Ask for a Yes or No Response

With fall fast approaching and people hoping to celebrate the upcoming season(s), asking about someone’s vaccination status is perfectly understandable but should be a part of the conversation before they arrive at your doorstep. Temper the question with a softer, “We are planning a get-together soon with a few friends and are still playing it very cautiously. Have you received your vaccine yet?” This question makes it very easy to give a yes or no answer. While you can politely accept either, it’s the nature of your response, which comes next, that you will have to practice: “I respect your decision. We are going to be in close quarters, and there are several friends, including myself, who are not comfortable socializing in a small space with large groups yet.”

Offer Your Status First

Start off the awkward conversation by sharing your vaccination status first. Since I have received the booster, plus the flu shot, I say, “I have been quadruple vaccinated” in a friendly, upbeat tone, explaining what I mean. It opens things up to a conversation about their status or no conversation at all, which is a pretty good indicator as well. Keep in mind that people are choosing to remain unvaccinated for a multitude of reasons which we may not understand. It’s not our business to pry, and a little empathy and compassion for the unknown is a way to keep vital relationships strong for the future when vaccines won’t be such a charged topic.

Brainstorm an Alternative

While you may not be comfortable having your friend or family member over for dinner in close quarters, we are entering a season where the temperature is cooling down, and there will be plenty of opportunities to meet outdoors. A picnic, a hike, an outdoor birthday party or a trip to the apple orchard to pick apples are all good options. Keep the menu simple and opt for individual plates and utensils when serving food, avoiding a buffet.

Remember Your “Why”

It’s normal to feel a little anxiety as you find your voice and gather the information you need to keep you and your family safe. Know that you’ll be glad you took a deep breath and had the courage to ask. The vaccine conversation will get easier and come more naturally with practice, and those who value your friendship will honor your wishes and understand your heart is in the right place.

For more information, check out The Protocol School of Texas. You may also like How to Tell Guests They Need a Covid Vaccine to Attend Your Wedding. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on The Huffington Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter.