How to Strengthen Relationships by “Showing Up”

Few things impact your life as much as the quality of your relationships, whether they’re with a partner, your family, good friends or professional contacts. Yet too often, the most important relationships in life take a back seat to the daily grind. In today’s post, I’m sharing a reminder for those who may need it (myself included): The best thing you can do to strengthen relationships is to “show up.”

Showing up means being present, available and engaged with the people you care about the most. Think of any relationship as a plant that is either growing and thriving or wilting and dying. The plant won’t survive if you neglect it, but it flourishes when you give it the care and attention it needs.

It’s not always easy to prioritize quality relationships in today’s busy world, especially when life’s responsibilities and distractions constantly demand your attention. However, taking time to refocus on the people that you treasure most is always a worthwhile investment. To have the strong bonds that make life more meaningful, your actions and energy should reflect consistency in being there for those you value.

Here are 9 ways to strengthen relationships:

Review Your Priorities

The way you spend your time should reflect your standards, ethics and emotions. You may believe your family and friends are the most cherished things in your life, but what percentage of your waking hours do you actually devote to deepening those relationships? Even with the best of intentions, plans with loved ones are often cast aside when work or other commitments interfere. In the frenzy of checking things off of your never-ending to-do list, it’s all too easy to overlook the things that you care about most. Weed out the tasks that don’t truly matter, so you have the time and capacity to strengthen relationships that lift you up.

Refine and Refocus Your List

Remembering you can’t be all things to all people will help in choosing relationships that matter most to you—prioritize those above all others. This list may include your spouse or life partner, your children, your family of origin and your closest friends. Identify the relationships that you most want to flourish and focus your efforts on these first.

Connect In Little Ways

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you don’t have time to visit your sister for a weekend or even catch up on the phone for an hour, so you don’t do anything. But often, it’s possible to connect with loved ones in ways that don’t take a lot of time or even effort, such as a quick text asking how their day is going or sharing a funny meme. When you see something that reminds you of them or that your friend or family member might enjoy, such as a photo or an article, send it along with a note that says you were thinking of them. Little moments of thoughtfulness can do a lot in maintaining a connection.

Celebrate Together

Make a note of the milestones in the lives of those you love, including annual events like birthdays, weddings, graduations and anniversaries. Add them to your calendar so you can make plans to celebrate or send a card or heartfelt message. When something wonderful happens—a new baby, a new house, a promotion at work—make a big deal out of it. Throw the shower, take them a housewarming gift or plan a celebratory lunch or happy hour to toast the new job.

Be There in the Hard Times

Life deals everyone challenges. Having support from loved ones eases the burden. Showing up in difficult times can take many forms, so pick what is most appropriate for the situation. Lend your support with a phone call, make plans to go for a walk together, bring them a meal, run errands for them, or just sit with them as they grieve their loss. You don’t have to solve their problems for them; that might be an impossible task. Just being beside them as they navigate it is enough. When planning your calendar, make a note of sad occasions in their lives, too, like the anniversary of their parent’s death or another day when they are likely to be down. Getting in touch on those days to let them know you’re thinking of them is a reminder that they aren’t alone.

Pull Plans Together

Instead of waiting for others to take the lead, initiate get-togethers with the people you care about. This could be a date night with your spouse, a hike with a friend, or an outing with your child. Sharing experiences with people you care about shows that you value spending time with them and that you are being intentional about strengthening the relationship. Together, you’ll create memories that can be a source of pleasure for years to come. Even if you would prefer to sleep in on the day you committed to the meeting, don’t cancel plans unless it’s an absolute emergency.

Keep Your Word

You probably know someone that you consider “flakey”—that person who makes plans with you, then bails at the last minute, usually with a flimsy excuse. Backing out of commitments or breaking a promise is damaging to any relationship. It takes a lot of time to build trust with another, but only a moment to break it, so only promise things you feel confident you can honor. Being reliable is the foundation of any relationship.

Be Kind to Yourself

When you are stressed, burned out and overwhelmed, you don’t have much to give to others. Nurture yourself physically with nutritious food, daily exercise and plenty of sleep. Pay attention to your emotional and mental well-being, giving yourself time to recharge from all the demands you navigate. When you meet your own needs first, you are better equipped to support others.

Remove Yourself from the Equation

Supporting someone means you may not always enjoy the same adventures or appreciate the same decorating style of your friend or mate. Take yourself out of the equation and get rid of the judgment. If your best friend loves Halloween and you don’t care about it, it may sound harsh, but forget about your preferences and do something that is about her. Make her favorite cookie in the shape of a pumpkin or drop off a little treat for her kids the morning of the event. You don’t have to be there only under stress. Showing up means being around and making an effort of “give and take,” even when it’s not first on your priority list.

For more information, check out The Protocol School of Texas. Another article that may interest you: 7 Non-Traditional Networking Opportunities. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on The Huffington Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter.