How to Cancel Plans: Etiquette Dos and Don’ts

Regularly investing time with those you care about is the foundation of a strong friendship. Over the past couple of years, we’ve been reminded that opportunities to gather with loved ones are truly precious. Not to mention, honoring commitments and showing up for friends communicates you value the relationship and strengthens your connection. A question that has come up recently that is worth mentioning, especially during the holidays: what happens when you cancel plans at the last minute? Depending on the situation, backing out of a get-together can either be a forgivable transgression or a blow to your friendship.

If you must cancel plans, proceed with caution. Backing out of a commitment, especially if you are a repeat offender, can damage your credibility and weaken your relationship. Keep reading for a handful of do’s and don’ts around the etiquette of canceling plans.

How to Cancel Plans: Etiquette Dos and Don’ts

Do: Determine if It’s a Want or Need

Acceptable reasons to cancel include an emergency, illness or a truly unavoidable responsibility. For example, a work obligation that comes up after you RSVP’d yes. Other valid reasons include a sick child, a last minute cancellation from a babysitter, or an unexpected work emergency that only you can handle. Canceling at the eleventh hour because you have received a better offer is not a legitimate excuse.

Do: Consider the Situation

If you made casual plans to meet a close friend for a drink and you are exhausted from poor sleep or a bad day, there will probably be little fallout from canceling at the last minute. The stakes are higher – and the consequences steeper – if you bail on an occasion that requires more of a commitment, for example attending a dinner party, a concert or a play, or other special celebration.

Do: Cancel Sparingly

Unfortunately, you can’t repeatedly cancel at the last minute without damaging your friendship. If you are normally dependable and have to change plans at the last minute only in unavoidable circumstances, your friends will likely understand. However, if you are a chronic canceller, friends will learn they can’t rely on you. You will damage your credibility, and they will grow tired of your excuses.

Don’t: Go For a Better Offer

Getting a better offer is not a valid excuse to cancel plans. Dropping one invitation to accept another is very likely to lead to hurt feelings and doesn’t reflect well on you as a friend. If you are worried about how someone will take your news, you already have your answer. You will likely feel guilty anyway because you are not upholding the commitment. In this age of social media, it’s entirely possible that if you give an excuse to one friend to cancel plans and then do something else, there will be telltale pictures online.

Do: Cancel Personally

If an unanticipated conflict comes up, call immediately to let them know. If the party is in full swing, text the host to make sure they read it quickly. Explain that something beyond your control came up, give a simple explanation and apologize for the sudden change of plans. Mention the possibility of rescheduling or getting together soon (but only if you are genuinely interested in doing so). Follow up the next day and apologize with an over-the-phone or in-person conversation.

Do: Avoid a White Lie

If you are tempted to tell a “white lie” to get out of an engagement, you are probably canceling for the wrong reasons. Any time you’re not truthful, you run the risk of getting caught and damaging the relationship. A lie reflects poorly on you, not only socially, but how people may judge you in business. If someone knows you are lying to another person to go to their event, they will wonder if you will do the same to them at some point in time.

Don’t: Procrastinate or Give Into Pressure To Say Yes

Instead of stewing over how you would prefer not to go to a party, promptly decline when you receive the invitation. If you are still on the fence, reach out and let them know you have a few things you are checking and will get back to them soon. Do it within 48 hours after you make the call. If you pass, keep it simple; you don’t need to offer an elaborate explanation. “I’m sorry, but I have another commitment for that date.” It can feel uncomfortable to tell someone no, but it does more damage to say yes and then back out at the last minute.

Be sure to check out The Protocol School of Texas. You may also like What Does the Office Holiday Party Look Like This Year? Read Diane’s posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on The Huffington Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter.