Summer Wedding Etiquette Q&A

Warm, sunny days, dream destinations, the perfect dress and endless flowers in season make summertime an ideal time to say “I do” for the happy couple. Attendees are in bright summer spirits and may be more inclined to add a day or two to their trip and make a vacation out of the special occasion. June is the month for weddings, and there are always plenty of summer wedding etiquette questions and social dilemmas that accompany this always special, yet sometimes stressful, occasion.

From the bride and groom, mother of the bride (MOB), the uninvited wedding guest, to the cater and DJ, we have collected some Q and A’s to make sure this wedding season goes smoothly and seamlessly. Here are a few of the most commonly asked questions.

Summer Wedding Etiquette Q&A

Q: I’m getting married next month, and my fiancé and I are wondering if it’s better to walk around each table saying hello to each guest at the reception or have an old fashioned “receiving line” set up so we can say hello to everyone all at once and savor our reception?

A: A receiving line serves a valuable purpose, but nothing replaces the bride and groom taking the time to walk around and say hello to each guest, thanking each person personally for attending the wedding. It’s important for the wedding guest not to monopolize too much of the couple’s time, and the newlyweds should feel free to excuse themselves after a few short minutes to continue with their greetings and gratitude.

Q. Is it rude for the bride and groom to set up a cash bar for guests to purchase their own liquor?

A: Most guests will be expecting to be served some type of food and drink, and most hosts will do their best to oblige. It’s similar to being invited over for dinner and your host asking you to pay for your meal. However, a cash bar may be an option for those struggling with a tight budget and others who don’t drink for religious reasons. The bottom line is there should be no surprises. The reception should include some basic refreshments, at least, such as sodas and sparkling water, and guests should know they will be responsible for purchasing their own alcoholic beverages. Most people find it to be off-putting without any warning in advance. Even then, I suggest you do your best to provide as much of a positive experience for your guests who have traveled from other cities, hired babysitters and purchased a gift from your registry to share your special day. Consider offering a basic red and white wine and allow your guests to purchase other cocktail options.

Q: Before the pandemic, we planned a large wedding and invited 200 guests but had to cancel for obvious reasons. We are now planning our wedding again and rethinking our original guest list. We’ve lost touch with some people and don’t have the pressure from parents to invite others from the original list. Do we have to invite the same people this time even though our circumstances have changed? My partner has lost her job, and we are currently a one-income household.

A: The answer is no. Circumstances do change, and everything from lost wages to waning friendships are solid reasons to reevaluate your guest list. Consider this wedding a new event. If you haven’t kept in touch with some of the people you are planning to omit this time around, it’s not necessary to call them to tell them they didn’t make the cut. People are generally very understanding and grateful to have one less commitment to uphold. Unless you are talking about cutting close family or friends, you will be fine without any explanation.

Q: My mother insists on wearing black to my upcoming wedding. I absolutely am against it, but she insists on her choice. Who gets to choose?

A: Wow. This is tough because black would be an acceptable choice for a formal event but perhaps not a summer or garden wedding. Ultimately, mom should acquiesce to your request since it’s your BIG DAY. I would highly encourage your mom to select something flattering and not so dark if it’s her daughter’s (the bride’s) wish. However, if she overrides you, I would encourage you to make the very best of it and not let it ruin your celebration. She will stand out (for the wrong reasons) if everyone else is in florals and bright colored prints, and it’s not a reflection on you. Let her know you are disappointed and then let it go – you deserve to shine on your special day, inside and out.

Q: I am a wedding DJ, and I love my job. I wish everyone understood that the playlist makes or breaks a wedding reception. I am also an announcer who introduces the wedding couple and special family members. It’s also an important job. My question is this: is it standard to receive gratuity? Some people tip me, and others don’t even bring me a glass of water the entire night. It’s never the same, and I would like to know what to expect.

A: The DJ, along with other wedding vendors, play crucial roles. And, you should certainly be given water, a plate of food and whatever else you need to keep your energy high. Yes, a DJ should get tipped at the end of the night, anywhere from 20 to 30 dollars. If there are multiple people, each should get the same amount. The same holds true for a band or single vocalist (this is above the amount they charged).

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas.

In search of additional summer wedding etiquette articles? You may also like Wedding Etiquette for Happy Guests on Your Big Day. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.