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The Etiquette of When You Should—And Shouldn’t—Send Food Back at a Restaurant

01 Aug 2022 By: Diane Gottsman

There are reasons to send back your food at a restaurant that make good sense, and then there are others that don’t pass the “mustard”. As we dine out more and more after a long pause, it doesn’t hurt to brush up on our dining etiquette. When can you feel comfortable that your request to send back a dish or entire meal is legit? Here are a few good reasons to return a meal to the kitchen.

when to send food back at a restaurant | plate of Mexican food in a blue and white dish with fresh herbs and broth

When To Send Food Back at a Restaurant:

Too Much of a Good Thing

You get your perfectly cooked steak, and in one bite, you are overwhelmed with too much garlic and salt. You can’t swallow the food, and it’s covered in seasoning. The etiquette is to always taste your food before using the salt and pepper shakers at the table, which helps avoid overdoing it. If it’s brought to the table already over-spiced, you may politely let the server know you are overwhelmed with seasonings and would kindly like to try again.

Undercooked or Overdone

You order your favorite chicken dish, which arrives at the table raw in the middle. By all means, ask your server to put it back on the grill for a few more minutes. The kitchen will completely understand and most likely prepare you a fresh chicken filet. If you ask for salmon medium and it’s as tough as shoe leather, it’s also reasonable to request a re-do.

An Entirely Different Plate

You are anxiously awaiting your pork taquitos, and receive a hearty plate of cheese enchiladas that look too good to pass up. “Sorry, this isn’t my order” is the easy and appropriate response. Don’t touch the plate or take a bite before sending it back, even though the tasty meal that belongs to your table neighbor is tempting!

Scorched and Burned

While one of my favorite foods is BBQ brisket, and in the south, there are plenty of places to get a great plate of barbeque, the dark char is part of the appetizing appeal. Or so you feel, until you take a bite or notice beforehand, that the entire piece of meat is burned to a crisp. Then, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for another piece of meat, even as you are standing at the counter, that is “moist” and not overcooked.

Allergies and Restrictions

It’s always important to let your server know upfront if you have any special allergies or dietary restrictions, so there are no surprises. If your meal arrives and the special salad you requested without onions is topped with them, you may immediately send it back. Some allergies are far more serious than others, and it’s no laughing matter, but if you have alerted the server of your limitation, there should be no reason to accept the dish. Feel free to send it back immediately.

Foreign Objects

If halfway through your food, you find something objectionable, very discreetly let the server know you would like another plate. The drawback is that you will stop the “flow” of the meal for the rest of the guests, so do it with decorum, especially if you find a hair or other unsavory item. For example, you may want to say your fish was undercooked rather than you found a hair or large paper clip in the food. Why ruin it for everyone else?

Four Reasons Not to Send Your Food Back

  • You like someone else’s food better.
  • You got full on the appetizer and free bread basket.
  • You decided it was too expensive.
  • You got a call and have to leave early.

Watch my interview on Fox 7 Austin about The Etiquette of When To Send Food Back at a Restaurant. 

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like How To Eat Tricky Seafood: Post-Pandemic Dining Etiquette Refresher. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.