The Etiquette for Nicknames and Terms of Endearment

Some people love to be called special names by close family and friends, but when a stranger refers to you by the same name or makes up a nickname for you, it can most certainly be offensive and, at the very least, feel much too familiar for the relationship you share. Other people feel using “sir” and “ma’am” when addressing someone, young and old, is a sign of respect. Read on for the real story regarding the etiquette for nicknames and terms of endearment.

Sir and Ma’am

Most people use the terms “Sir” and “Ma’am” as a gesture of courtesy and respect. While some may still use it to address an email, I highly discourage it. Thoughtful parents continue to teach their young children to use the term, especially in the South, and so do teachers who are imparting courtesy and respect for others. The term “Sir” dates back to Britain in the 1200s as a way to address nobility and set those apart from the rest of the common folk. It transformed into a name you would call someone when you didn’t know their name, such as a barber, storekeeper or any stranger you encountered. “Ma’am” was short for madam (a term that is not necessarily positive in some social circles) and originated in the 1300s as another term for “M’lady.” Both sir and ma’am are acceptable in some situations, but when given the opportunity to use someone’s name rather than this honorific, it’s always better to do so.

Some adults appreciate the age-old courtesy, while others feel it is patronizing or a sign of age when someone calls them sir or ma’am. Of course, children are free to use these terms but when you are a college grad, opt for their name instead. Etiquette tip: If you don’t know their name, this is the perfect opportunity to ask!

Honey, Sweetie and Sugar Are Not So Sweet When Used With Strangers

Unless their given name is Honey, Sweetie or another sugary title, do not, under any circumstances, call them by this term of forced endearment. A well-meaning sales associate may default to this title in lieu of not knowing their name, but it comes across as dismissive and lacks authenticity.

Nicknames Are for Friends and Family

When meeting someone for the first time, please don’t assume they go by a nickname until they share it with you. For example, if someone’s name is John, avoid calling them Johnny to attempt to get too friendly too fast. People are very sensitive about their given names, and unless you ask first, don’t make the mistake of changing, shortening or getting creative. This etiquette for nicknames reminder also applies when communicating with coworkers.

A Special Name Forms a Bond

On the other hand, using a favorite term of endearment with those you love or feel close to can make the relationship even more loving and special. It’s a unique name one person uses to show their closeness to another and a special form of recognition that you both engage in and reciprocate with one another. Often called pet names, they are reserved for partners, dear friends and your own children.

The downside of a pet name is that it loses its power when you use it too frequently with too many people. Calling everyone “Darling” or “Angel” may seem phony and disingenuous.

There Is a Time and Place for Using a Term of Endearment

If you are in a crowd and consistently sense your pet name for your loved ones makes everyone cringe around you … read the room! You may be acting overly sappy or doing something more to make others feel uncomfortable. Being overly demonstrative in public with words and actions is considered inappropriate, makes people feel uncomfortable to be around you and falls under the title, PDA, public display of affection.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like Tips for Remembering Names. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.