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How to Decline a Holiday Party Invitation With Grace

05 Dec 2022 By: Diane Gottsman

The countdown is on to December 25, and holiday parties are in full swing. Your calendar is packed full of holiday happenings, and the invitations keep arriving. Even a little extra Christmas magic will not allow you to attend every event. Or, you’ve decided to keep a little peace and quiet on the calendar for any number of reasons. Turning down a Yuletide invite takes a combination of thought, tact and decorum. Here are some timely tips on how to decline a holiday party invitation.

how to decline a holiday party invitation | new year and christmas office party close up

How to Decline a Holiday Party Invitation With Grace

RSVP Today

If you are hanging on to an invitation because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or if you just received an invitation and have a conflict, it’s important to let them know ASAP. The host is carefully planning the menu, purchasing cocktail ingredients and contacting the rental company for plenty of extra tables and chairs for larger events. Waiting until the last minute sends the message you either don’t care or you are holding out for a better offer. Either way, it’s impolite to sit on an RSVP for longer than a couple of days. Optimally, you respond within 24 hours, but everyone understands you may have to check with your partner or your kid’s school calendar to see if anything is on the schedule.

Respond in the Manner Requested By The Host

If you receive an invitation by mail with a response card, send back the card as soon as you know if you will be able to attend. If you receive an evite and they send you to a website, email address or request a phone call, follow their prompt. If you are invited by an e-card and they include an RSVP, don’t call or text your response. The person collecting the regrets may not be the same person you reached out to with your answer.

Don’t Make an Excuse

The more details you give as a reason for not attending, the less believable you appear. Simply decline with the standard check of the card and put it in the mail, or let them know verbally, “I’m sorry, I have a conflict.” That is all that is necessary. The conflict may be watching a holiday movie in bed with popcorn, washing your hair, or another celebration—it all counts.

A woman writing a Christmas card on a wooden table

Send a Card or Flower Arrangement

If you are feeling bad about missing an important party and want to do something special to let your host know you wish you could be there, send a beautiful flower arrangement for the table or front hall table, drop off a small token gift (much like a hostess gift) or send a card letting them know you feel sad for not being a part of the celebration. Make a point of getting together with them shortly after the holidays to hear all about the fun.

Here is an example of a note you may want to send if you feel uncomfortable about missing the event.

Dear Sara,

Thank you for the gracious holiday invitation. Your dinner party sounds like it’s going to be a blast. I am sad to miss your traditional cannoli and strawberry cheesecake. I will be thinking about you and want you to know I am grateful for our friendship. I can’t wait to catch up after the holidays to hear all about the party and share holiday memories with you over lunch. My treat. Talk soon.

Fondly,

Beccah

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like 8 Tips For Making the Most of the Season & Managing Holiday Stress. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.