Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

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Bridal Shower Etiquette Q&A

24 Apr 2023 By: Diane Gottsman

bridal shower etiquette Q&A | Round and heart shaped glazed cookies, decorated with glaze flowers and pattern are on the wooden stand in the restaurant. There is a colorful delicious candy bar behind them.

Wedding bells are ringing—it’s always a good feeling to see your friends and family happily “tying the knot.” Even though it’s exciting, wedding season also comes with a possible pinch in your finances. New outfits, travel, costs, and wedding showers can quickly add up. Ryan Ermey for CNBC recently interviewed me regarding wedding guest etiquette, and he highlighted how much the average wedding guest will spend per wedding in 2023: $611. Here are a few commonly asked bridal shower etiquette questions and my answers as you go over what to buy and how much to spend.

Question: I have been invited to a very good friend’s bridal shower, and I would like to give her something special, but NOT off the registry. Am I breaking some type of protocol rule?

Answer: No, you are not breaking a protocol rule, but you are taking a chance that the bride may not like, want or have room for your choice of gift. A registry makes it easy because the bride has carefully curated her selection of gifts based on their particular needs.

Question: How much should you typically spend on a bridal shower gift?

Answer: There is no one size fits all answer to this question because everyone has different budgets and financial obligations. The relationship to the bride and groom is a factor, as well as each person’s personal circumstances. The range can be anywhere from $25-$100. The scale can go up or down, as well. A bridal shower registry usually offers a range of gift price points.

Question: If I am co-hosting the bridal shower, do I still have to give a gift?

Answer: While hosting a bridal shower can get expensive, it’s still customary for the host to give a modest gift. While it’s not necessary to buy something extravagant, you will want the bride to open your gift at the shower. A good idea would be to combine resources with the other hosts and give something more substantial.

This French Macaron tower was part of a Bridgerton themed tea party bridal shower. Macaroon towers are becoming very popular at showers, parties and celebrations of all kinds.

Question: If I have been invited to multiple bridal showers, do I have to attend EVERY one?

Answer: When it comes to showers, there is a point when you can feel “shower fatigue.” The bride should make sure not to invite the same people to every shower, but rather mix the guest list up so the guests don’t feel overwhelmed. If this does not happen, you are not obligated to accept every shower invitation, especially when there are more than two.

Question: I have RSVPed to the bridal shower but have recently received a better invitation. I would prefer to go to a closer friend’s birthday party held at the same time. How rude would I be to cancel my first RSVP?

Answer: Once you RSVP yes to an event, it’s always most appropriate to keep your word unless there is an emergency. If you are set on going to your friend’s birthday party, making a call and letting the host know ASAP you will not be attending is your next step. If the bridal shower is days away, I would certainly encourage you to uphold your original RSVP. Also, keep in mind that you may burn a bridge if the host, or the bride, hears about, or sees you on social media and realizes you changed plans for what you considered a better option.

Question: I received an invitation to a wedding shower, and there is no registry information enclosed. I have no idea what type of gift to buy a bride who I don’t know well. What should I do?

Answer: It’s rather unusual that a registry was not included in the bridal shower invitation, but when in doubt, call and ask the host for some gift suggestions. Or, you can buy some tried and true favorites and include a receipt so they can discreetly return the gift for something else if they so choose.
A few suggestions:

  • Kitchen hand towels
  • A set of wooden spoons
  • A salad bowl
  • Cocktail napkins
  • A cutting board
  • An ice bucket
  • An ice scoop
  • A gift certificate to a store with multiple choices of items
  • A gift certificate to a restaurant

Passing along my Bridal Shower Etiquette Q&A on Good Day Austin for those who may have missed.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like Wedding Etiquette for Happy Guests on Your Big Day. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.