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Body Language Explained: Are You Sending the Right Message?

27 Aug 2023 By: Diane Gottsman

body language | what message are you sending? Face of beautiful mixed race woman smiling with white teeth. Portrait of a woman's face with brown eyes and freckles posing with copy-space. Dental health and oral hygiene

In business and in life, body language influences how others see you. This nonverbal communication conveys a great deal about your feelings, confidence level and perception of those around you. Kevin Abdulrahman for Entrepreneur explains, “Truthfully, very little of what we say is vital to our message. Our posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, level of eye contact, and gestures all contribute to how the message is ‘heard’ and ‘received.’”

Everyone from your colleagues to your clients, your supervisor and anyone in the room forms an opinion about you based (in part) on what they see on the surface. Interpretations can vary, depending on people’s particular filters, but there are some body language basics that can help you send the right message.

First impressions are critical when interviewing for a job, making a new friend, meeting with a client or networking at a Chamber event. In today’s blog, let’s explore a few key areas that can work together to signal confidence and approachability.

Posture Talks

good posture | Happy young woman, casually dressed, using technology at work (copy space).
Standing up “tall,” shoulders back, making eye contact and moderate arm movement when appropriate (not flailing wildly) is a strong sign of a confident individual. Kendra Cherry, MSEd for Verywell Mind explains, “Open posture involves keeping the trunk of the body open and exposed. This type of posture indicates friendliness, openness, and willingness.”

Facial Expressions

Cherry goes on to say, “Facial expressions are also among the most universal forms of body language. The expressions used to convey fear, anger, sadness, and happiness are similar throughout the world.”

Perhaps you’ve heard the quote, “Listen to the eyes; they have much to say.” Strive to make eye contact 40 to 60 percent of the time, maintaining the gaze for approximately 5 seconds, glancing away and then returning to center. A good rule of thumb is to look at the bridge of the other person’s nose rather than their eyes (they cannot tell you are looking at the bridge and it takes a bit of pressure off of you). When listening to the other person, make eye contact 60 to 70 percent of the time to show genuine interest. Continued practice makes this easier. Understand that some people may struggle with sensory overload when it comes to eye contact.

Your Smile

authentic smile | Happy business man listening to a discussion in an office boardroom. Business professional sitting in a meeting with his colleagues.

Have you heard the expression “Smile with your eyes”? This is often referred to as a Duchenne smile, a smile that involves wrinkling the corners of your eyes, making your smile look and feel more genuine. It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to make a scowl, so there is less work involved in an authentic smile.

Tone of Voice

When we were wearing masks in recent years, it was difficult to discern other people’s feelings because their tone of voice was “masked.” According to Albert Mehrabian, tone of voice is responsible for 35-40 percent of the message we send. It involves the volume we use and the emphasis we place on particular words. One sentence can have many different meanings, depending on what word you emphasize. It’s important to be aware of our tone of voice when communicating with others, paying attention to our response and delivery.

Arms and Hands

Not all crossed arms are a definitive sign of aggression, but generally, crossed arms can be read as someone who is defensive, non-compliant, distant or untrusting of you.

Open palms often convey the message of openness and trust, which results in credibility. Gripped or clenched hands send the message of aggression or anger.

Nerves Are Obvious

When someone is nervous, their body gestures often include avoiding direct eye contact, slumping their back, tapping their foot or fidgeting. Some extreme cases of nerves result in sweating or loss of breath. If you are struggling with the latter two, seeking medical advice and counseling may be advantageous.

The bottom line, it pays to ask a trusted friend if they have noticed any particular gestures which you could work on improving. Ask them for their help when they see you doing something out of habit.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like Body Language Etiquette: 7 Gestures to Avoid. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.