Wedding season is in “Full bloom,” bringing with it the celebration of love and all the planning that goes into the big day. While the excitement surrounding a wedding is unmatched, it often presents a few hiccups. To alleviate some quandaries and address specific dilemmas, we have collected a batch of wedding etiquette questions from brides, mothers of the bride, mothers of the groom, and the wedding party. Let’s begin, ensuring your forever day unfolds as beautifully as you imagined.
Dear Diane … Answering Your Wedding Etiquette Questions
Question: Once and for all, who is NOT supposed to host a bridal shower? When I research online, the answers are all over the place and I don’t want to make the wrong move. I am the future mother-in-law and would love to host a small shower for my son’s fiancé. My sister says it’s a definite “No” for me to host. What is the final word?
Answer: While today’s rules are more relaxed, and it will not result in an etiquette tragedy for the MIL to host a bridal shower, if there is another option, someone else should take the lead. Unless your daughter-in-law lives out of town and you want to invite a few people over to meet her and shower her with love. While a “mother” can certainly host, it still feels somewhat as if you are pandering for gifts.
I suggest you offer to cover the costs, or be a silent partner, contributing to the shower, and allow someone outside of the parent group to host the shower. The final word is that it’s not a definite no under some conditions, but it would be better coming from a close friend, a more distant family member, or someone in the wedding party.
Question: I have two sisters and don’t want to choose one over the other as the Maid of Honor. Would it be okay to ask both of them?
Answer: Absolutely. It’s important to do exactly as you please at your wedding. Having both sisters stand with you as your Maid of Honor will be a special and memorable moment. The pictures will be adorable!
Question: My daughter is getting married and I want to wear a lovely, tasteful, gold dress. Is gold too close to ivory or white for wedding guest attire? The last thing I want to do is offend my daughter – the bride!
Answer: Gold is a beautiful color, and as long as the dress doesn’t look like you are the one getting married, and your daughter approves, it’s perfectly fine for you to “do you”.
Question: I have a question about last-minute invites. Some of our RSVP’s have backed out and we have room for other people we didn’t originally invite. When is it considered too late to invite the B group?
Answer: It’s never too late to invite people you care about but weren’t able to invite. Simply tell the truth, “As you know we had to limit our guest list but we have had some last-minute cancellations. We would love for you to take their place if you are available.” Don’t put pressure on someone but let them know you’d love for them to attend. “If possible” allows them to decide without feeling put upon at the last minute.
Question: When do you tip the wedding vendors? Before, during, or after the reception takes place?
Answer: The best time to tip the vendors is towards the end of the reception when things are winding down and gratuity won’t get lost. First, check to make sure the gratuity has not already been included. Put it in a separate envelope and have the wedding planner, a trusted friend, someone in the wedding party, or a parent hand the envelopes out.
Question: Is a tip jar customary at the bar during the reception?
Answer: Bartenders add 15 to 20 percent to the total bar bill with the understanding that a jar at the bar is not suitable for such an occasion.
Question: I am having two maids of honors at my wedding, and I am a bit perplexed about how many groomsmen we will need to have. I know it throws off the order if I don’t make the numbers even, but we just don’t have as many groomsmen as we do bridesmaids to choose from. Is there a rule that says I absolutely have to have an even number?
Answer: You are correct, the main reason to have an even number is for the processional, but there are no set-in-stone guidelines pairing up an even number for your wedding party. Some people even include their pets.
Having two maids of honors makes perfect sense when you have two sisters and don’t want to choose between them, or two best friends who have taken you through the ups and downs of life and it’s simply too difficult to decide. Your wedding is all about you—if the numbers are not equal, it’s perfectly fine.
Another commonly asked question is whether a married bridesmaid or groomsman must be paired with their spouse in the wedding party. The answer is no. You can include a married friend as a bridesmaid or groomsman without needing to include their spouse in the wedding party.
You may also like Wedding Etiquette for Happy Guests on Your Big Day.
For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas.
See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.
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