How to Politely Split a Birthday Bill Among Friends

Birthdays are joyful occasions when the honoree is spending time with their friends, often celebrating over a meal at a restaurant. However, things can get sticky when the bill arrives and there is confusion around who is responsible for paying, and no one is pulling out their wallet. The following are some commonly asked birthday etiquette questions and how to handle each dilemma with grace.

Photo by Susannah Townsend from Base Image

How to Politely Split a Birthday Bill Among Friends

Question:

In general, who pays for food at a birthday restaurant meal?

Answer:
It depends on the situation. If you receive some form of invitation, either written or verbal, it’s a safe bet to assume the person who sent out the invitation is planning and hosting the party, which includes covering the cost of the celebration, including the meal.

Question:

Is the birthday person ever expected to pay for their own meal?

Answer:
In some instances, yes. There are times when the birthday honoree decides to host their own event. Especially if the celebration is an elaborate affair, where they rent out space, order food, and have a live band or DJ. Yes, it’s rare to throw yourself a birthday party, but it does happen when someone wants to get their friends and family together for a celebration and is looking for the right opportunity.

Question:

During a communal party at a restaurant without a specific host, who is expected to pay for the birthday guest of honor?

Answer:
It’s common to pay for your own meal and a portion of the birthday person’s meal, but there should be a conversation beforehand to make sure everyone understands how the bill will be split. You can ask for your own bill or split it down the middle, and pay extra for the birthday person’s meal.

Question:

What if the birthday girl orders expensive wine and you don’t want to pay for it?

Answer:
Speak up early and say, “I’m happy to chip in for the cost of the meal and dessert, but I’m not comfortable including the pricey wine selections.”

Question:

Can I offer to split the cost of the food bill and opt out of the liquor portion of the bill completely?

Answer:
It’s a little tricky to say you will pay for someone’s food but not a birthday cocktail. Unless you aren’t wanting to pay for religious reasons, or the liquor bill is extreme, as mentioned above, which changes the decision and gives you a reason to speak up.

Question:

What if I have been invited to join everyone at a restaurant that is out of my budget but I want to avoid hurt feelings?

Answer:
You are not obligated to accept every invitation extended to you. Even if it’s a close friend, you can politely decline and opt to do something else to honor and celebrate them.

Final Question:

I am always confused when an invitation says “No gifts, please.” Do I show up with one anyway?

Answer:
If the invitation specifically says “no gifts,” it is impolite to show up with a gift as it makes other people who honored the request feel uncomfortable. If the birthday honoree says, “I want you to join me for dinner (this is an invitation!) next Saturday, along with a few more close friends. Please bring your husband and, please, do not bring a gift.” It’s a “toss-up” because it’s not a formal request but rather, a verbal gesture of humility.

You may also like 7 Ways to Make Friends and Maintain Relationships. 

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.