• Home
  • Blog
    • Archives
  • Etiquette Services
  • Media
  • About Diane
  • Books
    • Modern Etiquette for a Better Life
    • Pearls of Polish
  • Holiday Guides
    • Holiday Tipping Guide
    • Holiday Table Setting Guide
  • Contact

Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

The Etiquette for Canceling a Wedding and Related Dilemmas

07 Oct 2024 By: Diane Gottsman

etiquette for canceling a wedding | bride-to-be trying on wedding gowns in a bridal shop

Getting married is one of the most exciting times of a couple’s life, but what happens when the lights go off before the party begins? There are a plethora of uncomfortable questions that come up when the bride and groom decide to cancel their wedding. Minimizing the angst and confusion, while knowing what to expect makes the stressful process a bit more bearable. Here are a few commonly asked questions about the etiquette of canceling a wedding if you find yourself supporting a friend during this difficult scenario.

Q. My fiancé and I were planning a December wedding and mutually decided to call the wedding off. We have already had a wedding shower and have already used, and spent, many of the gifts we have received for the shower and our wedding. What do we do now?

A. When a wedding is canceled, the gifts you have received for the shower, or showers, engagement and wedding, should all be returned. Best case scenario, you can return the items to the store registry so the recipient’s card will be credited. Even if you have used the gift, offer to give it back (the gift giver may take pity on you and tell you to “keep it”) or pay them back for their expenditure. Most people receive a gift from the registry, sent to their home, and start to use the item immediately. Typically, this will not create an issue, but for the unfortunate few who must cancel the wedding, there will be some uncomfortable present juggling involved as the couple must now offer to return the gifts to the original sender.

Q. What is the best way to get the word out that there will be no nuptials?

A. The first thing you want to do is inform your family, the officiant, the wedding planner, and your wedding party. A phone call is the best form of communication for a message this important. You don’t have to go into lengthy detail but give them the courtesy of hearing your voice. This should be done by the bride or groom, depending on the relationship you share with the person you are informing, and they should hear your voice, either in person or on the phone. No texts for this message. A follow up email is acceptable for a business transaction, such as caterer, band or DJ, wedding photographer, bartender, and the wedding venue, but it’s best to call first and send a follow up email after. You can ask for help with vendors but not for important people in your life.

Q. How should I let our guests know we have canceled the wedding, in the most efficient manner possible?

A. Again, asking for help from family members or close friends, having them call each guest is the optimum form of communication. If there is enough time, consider sending out a printed card by mail or post, to let your guests know the wedding has been canceled and gifts will be returned shortly.

Q. What about all of the deposits I left with vendors? Can I ask for my money back?

A. Read the fine print. Each vendor is different and there are many variables to consider. Wedding venues are generally nonrefundable because you have booked out so far in advance and the space was held specifically for your wedding, turning others away for that date. If the venue can rebook the date, they may work with you but you can assume you will lose your deposit.

If you purchased cancellation insurance, you can file a claim and see what they will cover. Your wedding planner can assist in contacting vendors and taking care of cancellation details. Of course, this will be part of their fee you are paying them to do on your behalf.

You can also attempt to negotiate with some vendors who have already spent time and effort on your wedding, i.e. wedding photographer, and may be willing to bill you for the hours they spent and negotiate another alternative for the rest.

closeup of engagement ring on woman's hand, manicured nails

Q. Who keeps the ring?

A. It depends. If you are the one who called the wedding off, and have left the groom devastated because you decided to pursue your dream of traveling the world instead, you should give the ring back. If it’s a family heirloom, regardless of who called the wedding off, it goes back to the original owner’s family. Each state has different laws and you should check with an attorney if there is going to be a potential conflict. If the groom called the wedding off, you can feel confident that he will tell you to keep the ring, unless he is still in debt and wants to recoup some of his investment. In this case, you can decide what to do based on the situation.

Q. Can I send an email to my coworkers letting them know my wedding is canceled?

A. It’s understandable you don’t want to retell the uncomfortable experience, over and over again, and letting people know, who you are fond of, but not overly close with, such as office mates, a book club, or girls on your tennis team, is understandable. If you share a close relationship with someone, an email is not appropriate. If not, you can send out an email letting them know you have made the difficult decision to cancel the wedding and would appreciate some privacy at this moment to process the situation.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Signature

Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Instagram

Search

Connect With Me!

Subscribe to Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman's Blog by RSS Follow Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman on Twitter Become a Fan of Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman Follow Diane on Pinterest Follow Diane on Instagram Follow Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman on Linkedin Check out my Etiquette Expert videos on YouTube

Categories

Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman's Tweets
27 Jul 2023

Also, the nice thing about interviewing etiquette experts was they all returned my call. Thanks @Debretts @williamhanson Laura @PolishedManners and @DianeGottsman for bringing some clarity to protocol chaos

5 Jul 2023

Technology and the gig economy are playing a role in #tipping #etiquette. Sharing my thoughts on when to tip, skip, and how much with @cnbcmakeit: . #manners #gigeconomy #technology #modernmanners

19 Jun 2023

Become their favorite houseguest and spread kindness on your summer travels! Tips on the blog. ❤️🧳✈️🚗

https://dianegottsman.com/2023/06/19/houseguest-etiquette-reminders-for-the-summer/

#travel #houseguest #etiquette #manners #kindess #modernmanners #etiquetteexpert

3

Load More

Media




Join My Mailing List

Recently Quoted In

  • Yahoo! News 5/20/25
  • MSN 5/20/25
  • The Independent 5/20/25
  • Better Homes & Gardens 5/3/2025
  • Brides.com 4/21/25
  • New York Post 3/18/25
  • Yahoo News
  • Fox News 4/17/25
  • AOL
  • Southern Living 4/11/25
  • Fox News 4/10/25
  • Huff Post 4/1/25
  • Huff Post 3/28/25
  • Bored Panda 3/25/25
  • Daily Skimm 3/8/25
  • Newsweek 1/29/25
  • Reader’s Digest 1/29/25
  • NY Post 1/26/25
  • Rent.com 1/24/25
  • Wide Open Spaces 1/18/25
  • Men’s Journal 1/11/25
More ...

Copyright © 2025 · | Site by: Simply Amusing Designs



Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, sought after industry leader, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas,
a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training.

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkNoPrivacy Policy