A Day for Mom: Mother’s Day Etiquette Q&A

 

Mother’s Day is coming up on Sunday, May 11th, and with the help of social media and in-store displays, you have likely already purchased and put together something special for your mother, mother-in-law, and any other special moms in your life who are well-deserving of an act of kindness. As with any holiday, there is the possibility of some extra sensitivity or tricky situations with family dynamics. Here are some Mother’s Day Q&A’s as you prepare to honor the special moms in your immediate circle.

Question:

Every Mother’s Day, I am challenged with an uncomfortable situation. I am divorced from my three daughter’s father but still have a very good relationship with my former mother-in-law. I invite my MIL over every year for a special celebration with myself and my girls. Unfortunately, she always wants to include my ex-husband, and I say yes for my MIL’s sake. This year, we are no longer on speaking terms, and he is definitely not welcome at my home or to dinner.  The question is, should I avoid inviting my MIL over for dinner, or skip inviting my ex? This decision is harder than it sounds because my MIL is going to be very hurt either way. Her grandchildren are going to be upset as well.

Answer:

I admire your thoughtfulness in honoring your former mother-in-law and celebrating Mother’s Day with her and your children (her grandchildren). As the host, you determine who gets invited to your home. If you are firm on not seeing your ex, you don’t need to include him for her sake. I would let her know in advance that he won’t be invited, but you would still truly love to see her and celebrate her with her grands. You could also share that even though things are strained with him, you want to keep your bond with her strong.

Question:

Does a husband have to give a gift to his wife if they don’t share children together?

Answer:

Mother’s Day is about celebrating the mother(s) in your life, and that includes your wife. Not acknowledging her role and devotion due to a technicality may come across as insensitive or hurtful. My recommendation would be to coordinate something heartfelt with her children. She’ll see your efforts and it may just strengthen your bond and relationship even more.

Question:

I am recently married and unsure if I should call my new MIL “mom.” I have avoided it so far, but with Mother’s Day coming up, I don’t know how to address the card we are jointly giving her. You always say to write a note, so I am going to have to address this new dilemma sooner than later.

Answer:

This predicament is familiar to so many women and is best handled by a kind, in-person (or over the phone) question when possible. For example, you could say, “Rebekah, I realized I haven’t asked you how you’d like me to refer to you now that John and I are married. Would you like me to call you ‘mom,’ continue using your first name, or do you have another preference?” Her response will help guide your pen and future interactions.

Question:

If mom says not to get her anything for Mother’s Day, does she really mean it? Shouldn’t I get her something anyway so I don’t look like a grinch?

I always say it’s better to play it safe and extra kind than forgo the act of gift-giving for Mother’s Day. If she truly has everything she wants or needs, putting together an experience would be a welcome gesture, i.e., tickets to an upcoming show, a gift card to a winery or spa, or coordinating an upcoming visit from your adult siblings if she is missing them extra lately. Don’t forget a handwritten, heartfelt card.

Question:

What are some good gifts to give on Mother’s Day?

An important question, and one that should be custom-fit to mom’s taste and wishes. You can never go wrong with a photo album or framed family photo and something handmade especially for her. Other ideas include a beautiful new plant (indoors or out), a bouquet of her favorite flowers, or an experience she would love. What she craves most is quality time with you.

Question:

Is a gift card too cold to give for Mother’s Day? My daughter says it’s impersonal, but I am requesting gift cards to my favorite salon from my kids.

A generic gift card may feel impersonal, but a gift card to your favorite salon gives you the opportunity for self-care at a place you know and like. It’s your day—ask for what you need and would appreciate! They can always add a handmade card or some small extras. The gift wrap is also a part of the presentation.

Question:

Can I give my daughter’s teacher a Mother’s Day card? She has been instrumental in teaching my daughter a variety of skills, both academic and social.

Acknowledging the significant role your daughter’s teacher plays is a generous act of kindness. I suggest that rather than acknowledging her on Mother’s Day, choose a lovely card and handwrite your sentiments. Even better, have your daughter sent a note, acknowledging the impact she has made on her life. Of course, the note will be age-appropriate, allowing your daughter to use her own words.

Question:

How can I make a Mother’s Day card seem more special?

I appreciate this question, as stationery is one of my love languages! Everything from the card stock, and the envelope to the free-flowing pen, makes a difference. Set aside plenty of time to write a heartfelt message, sharing a special memory or two. Personalizing your message will make your mom’s heart sing. When there are small children around, leave room for them to add a doodle or sweet word.

Question:

As a mother, do I need to send my daughter and daughter-in-law a Mother’s Day card? They are both moms, as well.

Such a good question! Acknowledging their role as the mother of your grandchildren with a small gift or gesture will further deepen your relationship. I think it’s a loving and supportive idea.

You may also like Mother’s Day In Our Family. 

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