From Caps and Gowns to New Beginnings: Graduation Etiquette for Parents

The adage “time flies” is never more obvious than when watching your child walk across the stage at graduation. It’s an important time in your child’s life and a milestone that will always be remembered. From a parent’s perspective, it’s natural for some feelings of melancholy to appear along with others—relief, excitement, nervousness, pride, happiness, and the list goes on.

Knowing your child is growing up and moving on can often feel overwhelming, and may also be perceived by the graduate. Your daughter is off to college, or your son is moving to another state after graduation for his new job. How can parents prepare?

From Caps and Gowns to New Beginnings: Graduation Etiquette for Parents

Familiarize Yourself with Their New Environment

If you are dropping your child off at college, you will likely have visited several times to get familiar with the campus. Drive around and find a comfortable hotel or a great B & B where you might want to stay when you come for a visit. Locate the pharmacy, the ER clinic, and anything else you think you will need to know about to feel at ease when you drop your child off before the semester begins.

Anticipate Your Adult Child’s Independence

Whether they are off to college, or in their own apartment, your rules will not be exactly the same. You have to trust that you raised them to make good choices with strong values, and it’s time to loosen the reigns. Setting curfews from afar or requiring a daily agenda is not practical or healthy for either of you. Let your child know you will be there if they need you, but also help them seek out other resources to encourage independent living.

Discuss Communication Expectations

Life will be busy for the new grad, and your expectations as a parent may not be as reasonable as they were in earlier days. Whether through text or other forms of communication, they may not be able to respond immediately if they are working, navigating an internship, or in class. Be reasonable with your request to call back within a certain amount of time.

Start Making Your Own Plans Now

This is the perfect time to learn a new skill, get a part-time or full-time job, or reestablish relationships that have waned. Realize your time will be your own. This is an opportunity for you to create a wonderful new life.

Don’t Put the Burden of Your Happiness on Your Child

While letting them know you will miss them is perfectly normal, putting a guilt trip on them for leaving town is not healthy for either one of you. Make every effort to send your graduate off on their journey with hope and enthusiasm. Let them know you trust their judgment and are always available if they need you. There is a fine line between allowing your child to make some necessary mistakes versus becoming a helicopter parent. If you were guilty of the latter in high school, now is the time to let go and let them feel empowered. They know you are there for them when they need you.

Commonly Asked Graduation Q and A’s:

What is the difference between an invitation and an announcement?

An announcement proclaims the student is graduating from high school or college. It often includes a photo of the graduate, their school emblem, a quote, and maybe a personal note. There will not be any details about the ceremony or reception because it’s not an invitation to attend. An invitation is a request to be present at the graduation ceremony and/or the reception. Expect to see more detail on this card, including clear verification that you are invited such as, “please join us,” time, and address. RSVP as soon as possible.

Can I send out a graduation registry?

No. While the trend is shifting, it’s still not a common practice. The exception would be for close family and friends. Or, for those living out of town, specifically asking for ideas. A better option would be an Amazon gift card because of its versatility.

Does my adult kid have to stay at their own party?

Good graduation party manners include the guest of honor (the graduate) staying for at least an hour to greet each of their guests and make small talk with those who made a special effort to attend their party. The graduate should also verbally thank each person being present at the celebration.

Am I expected to pay for lodging and transportation for my out-of-town guests?

Taking care of the hotel bill is not necessary, although offering to assist if you are able is a welcome gesture. You may also consider offering your guest room if you feel it may be helpful and appreciated.

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