Shower Etiquette Q&A: From Wedding Showers to Baby Showers
From baby showers to showering the bride, there are always an abundance of questions we receive on this topic. I recently covered shower etiquette on SA Living, and the conversation continued after the show aired. The following are some questions that came up, along with my answers below. You’ll also find the video from the segment; remember, preparation and good intention are the key to a successful shower.
My mother would like to create a special cake for the shower. Can she handle this important detail if I’m in agreement?
This is where a distinction exists between tradition and sentiment. A family recipe, passed down through generations and made with love by a family member, is most always welcome. It can be shared quietly, or the story can be told to the guests as a sentimental stroll down memory lane. The cake could be a cherished childhood memory that the family wants to continue honoring. Of course, this must be arranged with and approved by the host. An unannounced cake (or any food item) is not a welcome guest.
Is a sister-in-law an acceptable host for the wedding shower?
Traditionally, the immediate family didn’t host a shower. The responsibility went to a close friend, group of friends, and thoughtful family members. Today, this area of hosting etiquette has relaxed, although many still refrain from hosting. When it isn’t practical or possible for others to host, the sister-in-law is welcome to do so, ideally with help from others close to the family.
May the baby shower host ask guests to bring food along with their gift?
In a simple word – no. A shower is not a potluck affair. Asking your guests to bring food, along with a gift, feels like they are being asked to “sing for their supper.” If you are having difficulty with the budget, change the format, simplify the food, bake the cake (see first question), and reach out to friends who may be willing to cohost the shower with you.
How do I diplomatically communicate that the wedding shower is “no kids”?
Allow the invitation to be the guide. Rather than saying “No Kids,” simply address the invitation to the adults. If they call and ask if their kids are welcome, you can say, “We are keeping this celebration adults only so we can concentrate on our guest of honor.” Yes. It may hurt feelings, but it’s important to set boundaries if it’s a special request of the guest of honor.
If invited to a joint shower but I only know one honoree, am I required to bring two gifts?
It’s always nice to bring a very modest gift to acknowledge the shared celebration, but it’s not an absolute yes. In this case, it’s more about the occasion than the guest you do not know.
Do I bring a host gift?
Yes. Nothing over the top, but a small gesture of goodwill and gratitude for being invited into someone’s home is always appreciated. If the event is being held at a venue, a thank you note to the host is appropriate.
Should the mother-in-law offer to pay for the cake?
No. The host of the shower will cover the expenses unless the mother or mother-in-law asks to contribute, and the host wants to accept a discreet offer of assistance. There is a fine line between being helpful and appearing pushy – don’t cross it.
May I leave before the gifts are opened?
In the perfect scenario, a guest would stay until the end of the celebration. The exceptions are when the party is running long, you have another important commitment, or you are going to be late for work. The part of the ceremony where the gifts are opened is a tradition where wrapping paper and bows are saved, lists of gifts are documented, and the guest of honor swoons over all of her friends and family members’ thoughtful gifts.
Is it rude to excuse myself from the games portion of the gathering?
Participation is well-mannered fun. If you don’t want to be involved, make yourself busy and assist the host with something they will appreciate. Clear the table, rinse the plates, (don’t make noise), refresh beverages, etc.
Must mothers attend every shower and bring a gift each time?
Yes. Every party is a new celebration. Anyone, even your mother, brings a gift to a different event. The gift can be small, thoughtful, and simple.
Is hosting a Tea Party the same as hosting a shower?
However you break the scone, if it includes a registry, it’s called a shower!
You may also like Wedding Shower Etiquette Q&A for Spring & Summer.
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