Cellphone Etiquette in Public: When to Turn the Volume Down

As manners seem to become more relaxed and people have a smartphone or tablet within arm’s reach most of the time, I’m hearing from reporters and friends that taking calls (traditional or video) on speaker in public feels like the new norm. 

The same goes for children playing games or watching videos, volume up, as they wait in the doctor’s office, at a restaurant, on a park bench, or in another public space. There have been plenty of dad jokes about this etiquette dilemma, all while the offender appears to be oblivious to those around them. 

In today’s post, let’s jump into this noisy situation. We’ve all been there! 

Public Spaces and Private Consideration

From a courtesy perspective, playing music or watching a video in a tight space in public with the volume up can easily be perceived as impolite. Whether the distraction is visual or noise-related, when someone is intruding on another person’s public space, it’s not easy to look away and ignore.

Perhaps the culprit is the dopamine hit our devices give us, simple boredom, or a lack of understanding of common courtesy. Although it may not be intentional, it’s about perceived behavior, and when you’re sitting inches away from another person, even lower noises are amplified.

Are there exceptions?

There are always legitimate exceptions, such as someone not hearing well, technical difficulties, or an emergency. Otherwise, phone etiquette dictates that you take your device off speakerphone, listen to the music, or watch the video another time. There are also earbuds and captions to utilize. 

Speakerphone etiquette dictates that you avoid using it in public spaces. You’re sharing information that may be confidential. The other person may not know they are on speakerphone, and it disrupts people nearby. Those who have accessibility issues can use captions and if they must use the phone on speaker, we should give an exception. The same goes for real emergencies.

Should I approach the offender?

While it is poor manners to intrude on other people‘s personal space, it’s not always wise to approach the offender. Extend grace, and know that it may not be intentional. It’s hard and possibly risky to determine another person‘s reaction, and if you can ignore it for a very short subway ride, it’s probably best to do so. 

What about children?  

When your schedules have finally synced up, and you’re sitting down at your favorite restaurant, the annoying sounds of a kid’s video series or gaming app can be quite jarring. The responsibility to make the adjustment falls on the parent(s), and sometimes they are too overwhelmed or simply can’t be bothered to consider your experience. 

It’s best to avoid a conversation or conflict with them, instead asking your server if you might be able to move tables. If that isn’t an option, explain your concern politely, and ask if they may be willing to approach the family. All you can really do is remain lighthearted and make the most of your time together. 

You may also like the ‘Dying to Ask’ podcast: Why you should text and don’t call with etiquette expert Diane Gottsman.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.