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Hostess Gift Etiquette: What, When, and How Much to Give

ByDiane Gottsman
Hostess gift etiquette | jars with jam on tablecloth, basket of fruits and flowers in background

The invites for garden and graduation parties, charity brunches, and polo picnics have hit your mailbox (or your inbox), and as a gracious guest, you are likely searching for the perfect hostess gift. Summer plans are also in the works, and you may be staying with good friends or family, and don’t want to show up empty-handed.

While there is no one-size-fits-all amount to spend on a hostess gift, we’ve pulled together a loose, gentle guide for those who need a place to start. It’s your call to spend more or less, depending on your personal budget and relationship with your host. We’ve also included a few gift ideas, and would love to hear about your favorites as well (tag us on social media). 

Hostess Gift Ideas: The Perfect Nudge

(Formal) Evening Dinner/Cocktail Party: $30 – $50 (Think: the cost of a good bottle of liquor or wine).

A few “Martha-approved” favorites include fluted taper candles or beaded napkin rings. Keep in mind the effort the host has put into the event. A potluck, BYOB party may call for a great pair of BBQ tongs, while a more proper occasion would welcome a monogrammed set of cloth or linen cocktail napkins.

Modern, minimal square wooden podium with white ceramic potted plant on white counter table in dappled sunlight and shadow on white wall for luxury product display background

(Casual) Poolside Cookout: $25 (Think: chef’s apron, cutting board/cheese knife, bottle of wine)

An apron fits the theme perfectly, and there are so many options to match their personality and style. Similarly, one can never have too many cutting boards or good bottles of wine. 

(A Weekend Visit): $50 gift – When the invitation includes multiple meals or days, expectations tend to shift. Beyond the gift, plan to take the host out to dinner one or two times and chip in with daily chores such as setting the table, clearing the dishes, and keeping your room clean. 

The hostess gift is not “payment” for the kindness, simply the first gesture of gratitude. Custom tea towels, a high-quality candle in their favorite scent, or a pretty set of dinner napkins are thoughtful and useful. 

(Staying a Week): $50 – $100 gift, and the same rule applies as the weekend. You should still contribute with other kind gestures or experiences (something for the house, or paying for dinner or theatre/sports tickets while you are together). 

The cost of a week’s groceries is what you should aim to contribute in one way or another during your stay. A few more Martha picks include a beautiful cookbook, high-quality place cards, a set of loose-leaf tea, and a favorite bottle of olive oil. 

Also plan to buy some groceries without asking and offer to make a meal or two.

You aren’t off the hook with friends and family. 

You want to make sure they don’t feel taken advantage of and that they invite you back, so it’s important to treat them with the same consideration. Family, especially parents, is a bit different. They probably don’t want you to do much financially, but you can certainly pitch in with groceries, a special gift or experience, and the gift of time.

Someone is Hosting Your Children for the Weekend: $50 gift/gift certificate to the local pizza parlor or grocery store. 

Blueberry muffins in a baking tray

In addition:

  • A box of beautiful note cards
  • A basket of healthy snacks for the kids and the host parent
  • A casserole for breakfast and a bag of roasted coffee beans
  • Gourmet jelly and a dozen healthy muffins
homemade vanilla extract

This homemade vanilla was gifted to me on September 26, 2020, and I love the bottle so much and the darling little twine wrapped around the top that I just keep refilling it. This is beyond a hostess gift that’s turned into a loving memory.

How to Give the Hostess Gift: 

Presentation is part of the gift experience. 

  • A hostess gift should always be given in a decorative bag or box.
  • Include a gift tag so the host will know who gave it to them.
  • Avoid bringing flowers if they are not in a pretty mason jar or decorative vase. Better still, send them in advance so the host can place them somewhere special before the guests arrive.
  • Consider giving a quality bottle of liqueur or champagne as opposed to a bottle of wine. Never chilled.
  • Personalize the gift based on the hostess’s preference. For example, for a seasoned cook, give a good bottle of olive oil and specialty balsamic vinegar in a basket with fresh bread and fruit. Or, a box of scented hand soap and a pretty set of finger towels for the guest powder room.

Long after your visit, a memorable hostess gift is one that holds a special memory of you.

You may also like Houseguest Etiquette Reminders for the Summer.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook and find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.

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