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Business Etiquette: Giving Feedback That Works

20 Apr 2011 By: Diane Gottsman

Another great article by Kathryn Minshew, co-founder and editor-in-chief of Pretty Young Professional, that I thought you might enjoy.

As an employee, manager or freelancer, people will make mistakes – and you will sometimes have to give difficult feedback.

Whether you’re speaking to a subordinate, a superior or a colleague, keep these tips in mind for giving feedback.

Why does feedback matter?

Giving feedback is the only way to ensure behavior will change, and it can help focus others on the most important issues.  Many people are motivated or inspired by well-delivered feedback, and will perform at a higher level because of it.

How should I give feedback to others?

Use this five-step model for feedback:

1. Ask for permission to give feedback

You would be surprised how much of a difference this makes. A simple “Hey, do you have a minute for some quick feedback?” can help the receiver of feedback be mentally ready for it, be it positive or negative.

2. State what you observed

Where possible, use specific examples and avoid being judgmental. “You don’t give off a lot of energy in meetings” is not as helpful as “In the meeting with Tina yesterday, I noticed that you were using passive body language.”

3. Explain the impact

Point out the direct impact that resulted from this behavior, again trying to be as specific as possible. Saying, “When you said X, it made me feel upset / I noticed that the customer became more irate” is much more effective than “When you say X, you sound stupid.”  It’s much more difficult to argue with “it made me feel,” “I noticed that” or “I think that…”, and using those phrases will keep the feedback session from devolving into a debate.

4. PAUSE and ask for the other person’s reaction

Give them time to think through what you’ve said and react to it.

5. Suggest concrete next steps

Give a small number (we suggest only 1-2) of actionable suggestions that the other person can take in the future, to change this behavior. They will appreciate that you are giving them the first step to improving the situation.

What does good feedback look like?

Try it yourself!  Practice giving feedback with a partner, or record yourself and listen to the play-back.

Avoid these common errors that turn feedback into fights:

  • Choose one issue at a time!  Focusing on too many skills or behaviors at once is confusing and overwhelming.
  • Don’t be too critical or focus too heavily on the negative.  Feedback should inspire the other person to improve, not make them wallow in where they went wrong. Giving a piece of good feedback with negative feedback makes it easier to swallow.
  • At the same time, feedback shouldn’t avoid real problems.  If there’s an issue, don’t be afraid to state it.
  • Don’t be too vague – use specific examples, and connect those behaviors to impact
  • Leave plenty of time for the recipient to ask or answer questions and respond to what you’ve said.

Kathryn Minshew can be followed on Twitter @KMinshew1 (and via PYP @PYPro)

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.