Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

Ask the Etiquette Expert: Birthday Dilemma

12 Aug 2014 By: Diane Gottsman

Dear Diane,

I share the same birthday as my son who now lives in another state. I usually call him in the morning to wish him “Happy Birthday”, but this year I completely forgot. Around 9:00 in the evening I had yet to receive a call myself, but found out through my ex-wife the next day that he was very upset I hadn’t contacted him. I can’t understand why he couldn’t have picked up the phone and called me instead. How do I discuss this with him without starting an argument?

RM

Hello RM,

I recommend you use this opportunity as an advanced trainable moment for your adult son. Say something like, “Son, I understand you are upset with me for not calling you on your birthday. I assure you my intention was not to hurt your feelings. The day got away from me and I completely forgot to call you. I remembered late in the evening, and realized you had not called me either. Now it seems we are at odds as to who offended whom first. In the future, let’s make a pact that the first person to wake up calls the other person. As your father, it’s my job to make you feel safe, regardless of your age. I love you and don’t want this to be a wedge that comes between us. Let’s call a truce and build on our relationship from here.”

RM, my advice is to respectfully lead by example, regardless of your son’s age. Good luck.

Signature

Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.