How to Handle a Loss on Mother’s Day

You may have recently lost your mother or are simply missing her after many years of being estranged.

 
Or perhaps she passed several years ago. No matter the time, or circumstances, the holiday does not get any easier when you watch your friends celebrate the day with their moms.

Here are a few tips to navigate a potentially difficult day which should always be filled with joy and love.

Cherish the Memory

Instead of pulling the covers over your head, get up and honor your mom’s memory. Pull out her favorite recipes and make her favorite meal. She may have been famous for her pumpkin bread and the smell of the kitchen while it’s baking in the oven is a beautiful reminder of how much she loved you. Focus on how blessed you will always be to have been influenced by her love. My grandmother was very near and dear to me. I often reach for her handwritten notepad and gently stroll through the pages of her tried and true recipes. Seeing the notes she wrote when I was a child brings back a flood of beautiful recollections. There are even a few scribbles of my own as I practiced writing my name like a “big girl” in her recipe book.

Visit the Old Neighborhood

I was raised in my grandmother’s home and I find it peaceful to go back to where I grew up. It’s funny, I remember the wrap around porch to be so much bigger. A matter of fact, the porch doesn’t wrap around at all!

I thought I lived in a house much like Tara in Gone With the Wind, when in reality it was a very modest home filled with lots of love. The old ice house where I would buy candy and gum is gone, replaced with an auto parts store. The “mansion” on the corner is a simple home with a concrete deer in the front yard, still there after all these years. The trees in the “rich” lady’s yard still bloom purple flowers and smell exactly the same as I remember. It brings serenity to go back and relive a simple past where I felt completely loved.

Create Your Own Story

You may not have had a beautiful life, or your circumstances may even have been rough or rocky, but you have a chance to remake your past. Start by reaching out and making someone else’s day bright.  Leave a tray of cookies on a neighbor’s doorstep or volunteer at a local shelter in honor of your mother. She may not have been what you see in the Hallmark movies, but she probably did the best she could. A random act of kindness in her name will help to heal the hurts of the past.

Laugh at Her Expense (In a Kind Way)

My grandmother used to call me “Cookie,” and my mom called me “Dede.” Hearing these names, if only in my mind, bring me a sense of comfort. My grandmother would rock me and let me pull on her ear until I fell asleep. To to this day, I can still “feel” the calm in that gesture.  Did your mom or special person say something that still stays with you? My mom could not say the word “nine,” pronouncing it “nigh on” and it would, admittedly, drive me mad as a kid. My mom is still alive, and when she says it today, I smile because I remember the multitude of times as a teen that I would lose my cool. Today, I smile and remember, grateful to hear it from my beautifully aging matriarch.

Say a Prayer

You may not be particularly religious but sending positive thoughts out to your mom on Mother’s Day and wishing her the very best will be a sign of respect and perhaps healing. Whether you had a wonderful relationship with your mother, or somewhat complicated, it’s therapeutic to let go of the hurts and remember the good times. Not only for yourself but those around you.

Forgive

If your mom is still alive and you are squabbling over something insignificant, make amends before it’s too late.