Wedding Etiquette: Destination Weddings

There is something incredibly romantic about saying “I do” on an exotic shore.

Previously published on HuffPost.

If you are the happy couple planning the experience of your dreams, congratulations! If you are in the wedding party, you may wonder what’s expected regarding your time and expenses. For everyone involved, being a part of a destination wedding is a big commitment.

Navigate the various elements of the happy occasion with this primer on destination wedding etiquette.

The Budget

A realistic look at expenses is the place to begin. The couple needs to keep in mind travel expenses, along with costs associated with the ceremony, reception, car rental, excursions and entertainment for their guests. Attendees are responsible for their travel expenses, including airfare, car rentals, accommodations, meals and off-site day trips. The bride and groom should offer guests a few choices of hotels with various price points. Group rates at resorts are often the best option.

The Guest List

By their very nature, destination weddings are smaller, with only close friends and family in attendance. Invite everyone you would really like to be present. However, if you opt for a wedding that your loved ones must travel to, bear in mind you are asking for a huge commitment of their time and money. There are those who will be happy to go, but remember not everyone will be able to join you for a variety of reasons, including budgets, taking time off from work or their own vacation plans. Accept the reality you may not have everyone you’d like at your wedding.

The Wedding Party

The same applies to the special people you want to serve as bridesmaids or groomsmen. If your best friend would be overextended by flying to Bora Bora to be your maid of honor, and you have flexibility in your budget, you should offer to help with some expenses to help her join you. If not, you may have to make other arrangements.

Send these with as much notice as possible to help people plan their travels. As much as a year in advance is advisable so your loved ones can budget and plan accordingly. Because there are logistics involved, you’ll need to include information that gives guests an idea of what they can expect regarding a schedule and expenses.

A reply card listing the functions (rehearsal dinner, reception or additional excursions you are arranging) will help your guests plan their visit. Include information about hotels you have secured group rates with, offering at least two options at different price levels (and remind them to mention your name to get the special rate). This also helps manage expectations about guest costs and makes it clear that they are responsible for their lodging.

The Gifts

Send a gift from the couple’s wedding registry in advance or within one month of the ceremony. Of course, gifts can be given at the destination. However, in general, it’s thoughtful to avoid adding to the load the couple must transport back home. If you receive an invitation but do not plan to attend, sending a gift is up to you; consider your relationship with the couple. Regardless, sending a card or a note of congratulations is obligatory.

Often those who have gone to considerable expense to be at the event wonder if they are required to give a gift or if their present is their presence. The answer is yes, a gift is still in order, but it doesn’t have to be extravagant. While there is no fixed price range, you should stay within your personal budget.

Celebrating Back at Home

The bride and groom may opt to have a party back home to celebrate with loved ones who could not attend. This is a great choice if you suspect many people want the opportunity to celebrate with you – but only if you can swing it financially after your dream wedding on the beach. Starting a GoFundMe page for a second reception is not the right way to start off as Mr. and Mrs. Those who were not invited to the first ceremony or could not afford the original wedding don’t want to fund an additional celebration.

For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, you may enjoy Wedding Etiquette: When Parents Remarry. Read her posts on Inc., and HuffPost, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Diane’s latest book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life is available on Amazon.