Engagement Party Etiquette: FAQs

Valentine’s Day has roots in the Roman festival of Lupercalia and according to Britannica, “it came to be celebrated as a day of romance from about the 14th century.” We celebrate the day with greeting cards often adored with cupid and hearts, by exchanging classic candies, sending the perfect romantic arrangement and dreaming up other grand gestures.

For some couples, a Valentine’s Day proposal might be the perfect surprise on the most romantic day of the year. Heartfelt words, a candlelight dinner and a decadent dessert set the stage for a creative and memorable proposal. For those friends and family members of the newly engaged couple, preparations for may soon follow.

I’m sharing the most commonly received engagement party etiquette FAQs below.

Q: Should I bring a gift to the engagement party?
A: It’s certainly not mandatory, but most people do bring a gift as a celebratory gesture. No need to be over the top – just something simple like a bottle of wine to demonstrate your congratulations. Some people may not feel a gift is in order and it is perfectly acceptable to attend a party without a present in hand. It depends on the relationship you share with the couple. TheKnot.com has a list of more than 50 engagement party gift ideas if you need a little inspiration.

Q: Who hosts the engagement party?
A: Anyone from the parents to close friends can host the engagement party. Often both sides of future in-laws organize a gathering to celebrate with friends and family members. If they live in different states, two separate parties are acceptable. Historically, the tradition was for the bride’s parents to host the event, but the rules have relaxed, and many couples have opted to help out financially when they have a particularly expensive venue in mind and they are both earning an income.

Q: Is an engagement party a “must”?
A: No, there is no hard and fast rule for having an engagement party. Whether a party is held, and in what fashion, is up to the couple. The celebration should reflect their personalities and wishes. That could mean an informal backyard gathering or a party held at a venue that holds a special memory for the couple. A few fun ideas from Brides.com include a Luau, an ice cream social and a sunset sail.

Q: Can you have several parties in one hometown?
A: Yes, but carefully. Some couples have more than one celebration, hosted by different groups of friends and family. The key is to not duplicate the guest list as there will be several parties to follow and you want to respect your guests time and budget.

Q: Should the couple bring a gift to the host(s)?
A: Yes. It’s a nice touch to bring a thoughtful host/hostess gift to those who are honoring you with a celebration. For the couple, remember to immediately send out thank you notes to the host and the guests who brought you a gift.

Q: How soon should the engagement party be held?
A: If you are assisting with the celebration, encourage the couple to hold off on a Pinterest planning frenzy. There will be plenty to keep busy with throughout the engagement (including all of the wedding details). The priority should be on them soaking in their newly engaged status first, then moving slowly into engagement party specifics. That will likely mean a few months after the engagement is announced.

Do you have an engagement party etiquette question that wasn’t answered above? Tweet me @dianegottsman or post on my Facebook page.

You may also like The Modern Rules of Engagement. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.