Choosing a name for your baby is often exciting and challenging at the same time. Endless options combined with often unsolicited suggestions from friends and family members make for an even longer process. I was recently approached about the etiquette of a friend “stealing” the name another friend had chosen for her future child.
For starters, can a baby name really be stolen? A name does not belong to anyone, nor is it intellectual property. Emotionally, it can feel like a theft, but the reality is different. Taking someone’s baby name, can, however, cause damage to a friendship or close relationship.
People select their baby’s name for a variety of reasons, ranging from honoring a family member to recalling a special memory. You may want to name your daughter Paris because it is where you met your husband. Now your neighbor has taken the same name. Should you confront her?
“Stealing” a favorite baby name may happen intentionally or accidentally, with thought or complete ignorance.
A few tips for compromise:
Mum’s the Word
If you are concerned about others using the name you have chosen for your baby, it is best to play it safe and not share it. A conversation plants the idea in someone else’s brain subconsciously. They may not even remember where the original idea came from because we all know that no idea is ever completely novel.
A Slippery Slope
Even if you address your concern with the utmost of care, there will no doubt be a level of awkwardness and hurt feelings. Just because you put your dibs on the name first, doesn’t mean it is not up for grabs by anyone else. Some people do not mind sharing a name within a circle of friends or family, while others feel outraged at the idea of someone using the same name. How many Davids are in your family? Stevens? Or Debbies?
Spell it Differently
Instead of Bryan, consider Brian. The same goes for Kristin or Kristen. One small letter change can diffuse a tricky naming situation. That said, be mindful of going for a spelling that is so uncommon that others will struggle to get it right.
Opt for a Two-Part Name
Use a middle name with the first name. For example, my daughter’s name is Emily Rose – named after my love for two people.
Compromise with a Nickname
Though your daughter’s formal name may be Emily, you may choose to attach a nickname, such as Emma, Emmy, Em or Lily.
Be Realistic
The name will change throughout the years as school friends, teachers and family affectionately attach their version of what they want to call your son or daughter.
The bottom line when it comes to feeling upset about someone else using your baby’s name: you have to decide how much angst it is worth to harbor ill feelings. There are other obstacles that will come along for you to ponder, address and worry about. Sharing your kid’s name with a friend or family member may not be the biggest challenge you face.
You may also like Questions Never to Ask a Friend, Peer or Family Member. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow Diane on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
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