Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

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How to Avoid Going Broke as a Bridesmaid

28 Feb 2020 By: Diane Gottsman

Being a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding is a unique experience, and, increasingly, a costly one. One survey found bridesmaids spend an average of $1,500 to be in the wedding party. Costs generally include clothing, hair and makeup, bachelorette parties, travel, lodging and gifts for both the shower and wedding. The more extravagant the wedding, the more a bridesmaid may expect to pay.
The result is a third of bridal party members go into debt to play their part in their friend’s weddings, according to another survey. 

Bridesmaid

It’s easy to rationalize overspending for this important event, however, the reality is these expenses add up. Especially for those getting started in their career, facing student loan debt, rent, minimal savings and costs of daily life. Not to mention, a bridesmaid may have their own wedding expenses to cover soon.
The stress of overspending can also put a strain on the friendship. 
Follow these tips to help you be a part of the celebration without blowing your budget and wreaking havoc on your sanity.

Communicate Before You Commit

Expressing your gratitude for the inclusion is the first and best reaction. But before you say yes, have an open, honest conversation about exactly what the job will entail and what costs you can expect: “I’m so happy for you and I’m thrilled you asked me. I’d love to hear more details about the wedding plans before I give you a definitive answer.” 

Don’t Feel Embarrassed 

Very few people have the luxury of an unlimited budget. It is a reality of life, so don’t feel ashamed to make sure you can afford to participate. If your friend has asked you to be a part of the ceremony, they love you and will understand your concerns and final decision.

Be Prepared to Make Choices

If the bride has a full slate of (expensive) activities lined up, let her know in advance what you can afford. You may have to pass on some events in order to be there for the most important ones. You will not be the only one watching your budget and your fellow bridesmaids will probably be doing the same.

Suggest Alternatives

Maybe a weekend bachelorette party to Las Vegas is beyond your means, but you can swing a spa day or a night on the town. Instead of paying for a custom-made dress with dyed-to-match shoes you will only wear once, ask about the option to rent a dress or choose your own dress and shoes within the bride’s color scheme.  

Plan Ahead 

Many people celebrate their engagements over several months, so you should have time to shop around. This will ensure you get the best deal possible on travel and lodging. 
Choose a gift from the registry as early as possible to give yourself choices in your price range. You can also contribute to a group gift with other bridal party members. 

DIY 

Find creative ways to save money as a bridesmaid. Instead of paying to have your hair and makeup done professionally, ask a friend with a  talent in this area to help you. Or, find tutorials online to learn how to do your own hair and makeup for the big day. 

Speak Up

Weddings have a way of easily spiraling out of control. Do not hesitate to say something if expenses are mounting beyond what you originally planned. “A last-minute weekend trip to Costa Rica sounds like fun, but unfortunately, it is not within my budget”. Speak only for yourself, not the entire bridal party, to avoid creating drama or hurt feelings. Chances are if you’re feeling the strain, others are too. 

Say No

It may not be easy, but to take on expenses you can’t afford isn’t fair to either of you. A true friend will understand and respect your decision to speak up.

Show Support in Other Ways

You may not be able to finance a lavish shower, still, you can show your support in other ways. You can help with planning, assist with wedding-related errands and provide emotional support during this exciting, yet stressful time.
It’s important to be there for your friend, but it is also essential to watch your bottom line. Your friendship will last longer when you are not bitter about taking a financial hit.
You may also like Destination Wedding Etiquette. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on Huff Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest, Instagram, and Twitter. Buy her new book, Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.