Thanksgiving Etiquette Q and A During the Pandemic

Thanksgiving is in a couple of days and there are so many questions that have come up due to the unusual circumstances of COVID-19. Although a vaccine is hopefully insight, we are not there yet and there is much confusion with how to navigate Thanksgiving without hurting anyone’s feelings. I am answering some questions I received in the hopes it may help some of you as well. 

May you have a safe, healthy and blessed Thanksgiving.

How do I tell my good friend that I’ve changed my mind about attending her Thanksgiving Dinner?

I’ve already said yes, and now with the COVID-19 numbers so high, I am having second thoughts. My partner thinks it would be terribly insulting to change plans on such short notice, but I disagree.

Answer:

If you were declining an invitation at the last minute for “a better offer,” it certainly would be rude. However, in light of the situation, family should understand you are taking precautions for your safety and those around you. While it is an uncomfortable conversation, having it sooner than later is your best option. Please don’t delay.

Can I ask my sister in law if there will be anyone at her home this year that we aren’t familiar with?

I don’t want to be around strangers during the pandemic and would prefer not to be surprised.

Answer:

Yes. You may ask your sister-in-law how many guests she plans to entertain. Of course, Thanksgiving is in a couple of days, so it would have been better if this conversation would have taken place earlier. Under these unusual circumstances, better late than never and you do have a right and responsibility to know your risk factor.

What if someone at Thanksgiving appears to be sick?

Should I say something? I have heard (through my mom) that my niece is getting over a bad flu – not COVID-19 – but I don’t want to take any chances with my own young children. Can I come right out and ask if she’s over it?

Answer:

Your ultimate duty is to take care of yourself and your family. If someone is displaying obvious signs of illness, you could have a private conversation with the host and let them know you are not comfortable. You can either choose to stay on the opposite end of the backyard or say you have a quick emergency and leave. While I am not condoning a fib, it’s better than subjecting yourself to someone who is visibly ill.

Are there any suggestions for keeping the peace?

My husband thinks it would be funny to wear his MAGA t-shirt to our 2020 holiday dinner. My father is going to flip and I am certain it will cause some big issues. 

Answer:

Skip the shirt. Unless you were 100% certain it will be taken in a lighthearted manner, there is no need to offend guests and insult the host in an attempt to garner attention.

Would it be rude to ask if I can bring our own food this Thanksgiving?

We are visiting my brother and are confident they have exercised good judgment and their kids all are going to school remotely. We live in the same community but I would still feel better if I brought our own food to Thanksgiving.

Answer:

No. It would not be rude to ask the house if you can bring your own meal. You can even offer to bring extra for guests but you should do what you can to feel comfortable this holiday season.

Can I ask someone to leave their grandkids at home?

I have a small family and would like to invite my two elderly neighbors. They have a grandson who will be coming to their home for Thanksgiving rather than flying home to another state. I would prefer to leave him off the guest list but don’t want to be rude. Should I be upfront or skip the invite altogether?

Answer:

You may consider making a phone call and asking if they would be comfortable excepting plates of food. I would prefer you take them a plate and include their grandchildren rather than putting them in an awkward situation, having to leave their family members behind. For now, everyone should stay in their own family pod.

Are Zoom gatherings allowed during the meal?

Is it too much of a hassle to set up a Zoom gathering and then have to pay attention to your virtual guests rather than spending time with the people around your table? Two of my friends asked for an invitation but my daughter is not keen on the idea.

Answer:

Some people enjoy having virtual guests at the dinner table, while others prefer to do it either the day before or the day after. It all depends on everyone’s comfort level, as well as making sure you were not losing sight of the guests sitting in front of you.

How do I handle a friend who is shaming me for being so careful during the pandemic?

She says I’m “neurotic,” and we have had some harsh words about me not planning to visit her during the holidays when I’m in town.

Answer:

Name Calling is never appropriate. Everyone has different comfort levels and whether we are talking about politics, partners, COVID or any other difficult conversation, the best course of action is to be compassionate and sympathetic. It’s important for you to set your boundaries and then stand by them. A good friend would not call you neurotic and certainly show a degree of understanding.

You may also like How to Handle Holiday Mishaps. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips read her posts on Inc., subscribe to her articles on The Huffington Post, “like” The Protocol School of Texas on Facebook, and follow her on Pinterest,  Instagram and Twitter.