Is Snooping on Your Significant Other Ever Okay?

 

The reality is, the days of complete privacy have come to an end. While it is easy to access another person’s smartphone to read a private text, the question remains … should you? With the tap of a four or six-digit passcode or the swipe of a finger, you can have complete access to someone’s texts, emails, social media accounts and even their financial information. In defense of the rare occasion, there may be a time when you need to look at your partner’s phone for a quick calendar reminder or a forgotten passcode, with their knowledge and permission, while they are indisposed (like under anesthesia or on the moon), but more often than not, if someone is spying on another person’s phone, it’s called snooping, and it’s a major violation of trust. The snooper is hiding in the closet or around the corner, looking for some dirt, aka evidence or proof, while their significant other is asleep or in the shower. Why do people snoop, and is snooping on your significant other ever okay?

Lack of Trust

The main factor that leads people to snoop is a lack of trust. There may be a good reason to mistrust your partner; perhaps they have a history of being deceptive, or you have been alerted to something that was said and feel the need to fact check. Difficult as it may be, resist the urge to go through their phone. Instead, opt for an open, healthy dialogue. If you have a good reason to believe you cannot trust your partner, seek a professional counselor to rebuild the broken trust in your relationship. Unfortunately, if there is a pattern of dishonesty as you are dating someone, it’s unlikely they will change their behavior once you exchange vows. Think carefully before saying ‘I do.’

No One Wins

Most often, the snooper will find what they are looking for … and then what? It is a deeper issue than not trusting your mate—it’s a sign that the snooper may not feel worthy themselves. A snooper generally has other vices and is acting from a lack of trust, fear, doubt, jealousy and even rage. Avoid this dangerous cycle and remember your worth. For the person being snooped on, it’s a red flag for them as well.

Snooping Is Often a Gateway Behavior

Yes, snooping is thought to be a gateway behavior, relationship expert April Masini shared with Bustle. It usually starts on the cell phone, then on the significant other’s (SO) email, then a drive-by to check on their whereabouts because the snoop is in the area, but not really. Unfortunately, we have all seen awful episodes of what could potentially result from erratic jealousy on the evening news. When a person behaves irrationally, there is a definite cause for alarm. The person snooping has now become the untrustworthy one, and the behavior will most likely escalate. The snoop often displays strong signs of anger, gossip, accusations, reaching out to the other person in question, verbally attacking their partner’s friends and potentially worse.

Finding Proof Doesn’t Make You Right

Snooping breaks the basic level of trust required in any healthy relationship. Violating your mate’s privacy, and the privacy of another person, is wrong. If you can’t rely on your partner to tell you the truth, you are in the wrong relationship. If you continue to find mistruths and you are still there, it’s more about the snoop than the person who is untrustworthy. Two wrongs do not make a right. Did I mention it is an invasion of privacy?

Snooping Is Toxic in Other Areas

There are times a snoop’s jealousy has no merit except to feed their own irrational fears and suspicions. Other times, there may be a good reason for the snoop to question the validity of their partner. If they stay after countless examples of proof, they may be in the relationship for something other than love, such as pride or fear of losing their financial security.

Violation of Trust

Regardless of what you find, whether your partner was doing something wrong or not, the snoop has now become the villain, and it’s hard to come back from this scenario. Save yourself the heartache and step away from the phone! There are healthier ways to resolve relationship issues, even if it means ultimately parting ways. Why would you want someone you cannot trust, and why would the person being violated put up with this unstable behavior? There is a great deal of concern with a situation such as this. Think twice before picking up someone else’s phone.

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