How To Avoid a Public Outburst—or an Outright Brawl

As much as I dislike continuing to perpetuate the issues related to the pandemic—we are all weary of the conversation—one can’t ignore the dramatic toll it has taken on American families. From loss of life to loss of income, from losing a home to shortened life expectancy to a vast range of emotional turmoil, it’s playing out in incredibly disturbing ways, in front of our very eyes. Frustrated employees, customers, and even Disney goers are finding themselves in the cross hairs.

In a recent article for The Washington Post, Marisa Iati reports “an alarming number of people are lashing out in aggressive and often cruel ways in response to policies or behavior they dislike.” Iati goes on to say, “research supports the idea that Americans as a whole are struggling mentally and emotionally.” The pandemic has been particularly harsh on young people, women, Black and Latinx Americans, most earning less than $50,000 annually in need of updated policies and (healthcare) support.

Many people seem angry these days, or at least they are being caught on video acting out. So when you find yourself in a volatile situation, what can you do to deescalate your triggers? While you can’t control the feelings or actions of another person, you can do a few things on your own to keep calm and redirect your anger. Keep reading for my thoughts on the etiquette of avoiding a public outburst or brawl.

How To Avoid a Public Outburst—or an Outright Brawl

Know Your Trigger

Prepare yourself to remain calm. If you anticipate what is about to happen, an eye roll by another person, an angry glance, a sharp word or a general lack of empathy, you can be ready to respond with the opposite or a neutral reaction. Do not take on their attitude, but stay neutral with your tone and body language. How hard really is it to allow another person to step in front of you in the grocery line if they have 6 items and you have 15? Does it matter if they have one extra time in the 10 items or less lane? Your act of kindness has an immediate positive impact—The Mental Health Foundation writes acts of kindness may lower stress levels and boost our emotional wellbeing.

Pause for Peace

When you hit the pause button, you allow yourself a few seconds to gain control and think about what you want to happen next. A few seconds can make the difference between spouting an angry slur or throwing a sucker punch. An emotional outburst of any kind is going to end with anger, aggression, drama or physical violence.

Turn Down the Volume and Listen

Keep your tone of voice calm and avoid a shrill response. Rather than raising your voice, lower your voice and soften your tone. You may even need to stop talking and allow the other person to be heard. Most often, in a highly charged situation, trying to reason with someone is not going to work immediately. Allowing the other person to speak and let them know you have heard them is a way to calm them down and let them feel as if their message has been heard.

Walk Away

Don’t engage. There is no shame in removing yourself from a fuming or potentially violent situation. Craig B. Barkacs MBA, JD for Psychology Today reminds readers: “Try to cultivate thick skin and a long fuse because thin skin and a short fuse are a recipe for disaster, especially in an emotionally charged disagreement.” Avoiding an altercation or a lawsuit is worth the walk. If someone pours coffee on you or throws a chair at your table, step back. It’s an ego rush to go after them, but it’s better to take appropriate action immediately and keep yourself out of harm’s way.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like 10 Steps to Living a Full Life. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost.