Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

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Five Ways to Take the High Road When Someone Is Rude

31 Jul 2023 By: Diane Gottsman

how to take the high road when someone is rude | Portrait of young successful woman worker employee stand isolated on grey studio background feel confident. Millennial mixed race female intern show motivation. Employment, hr concept.

Social media shines a light on shared experiences, our need to connect and the capacity each of us has to make a difference. There are certain accounts I turn to when I need a burst of sunshine in my morning or some extra pep in my productivity step. I enjoy sharing my best etiquette and lifestyle moments with you all as I go about my routine. Social media also allows news to travel in split seconds, both good and bad. We’ve all seen footage of another person acting in haste, failing to self-regulate or consider what kind of response is appropriate (if any). In today’s post, let’s discuss how to take the high road when someone is rude.

Five Ways to Take the High Road When Someone Is Rude

Disengage

Every rude remark does not require a response. Even if the comment or behavior is inappropriate, disengaging verbally—and with your body language—will often diffuse the situation. This is especially true in public settings when continuing the dialogue can turn into a heated argument or worse.

Example: If someone cuts you off on the highway, take a breath and evaluate the importance of keeping calm and safe.

Consider the Emotional Investment

It’s more of a priority to work out a conflict with some than others. If they don’t have the emotional investment (family, friends), it may be better to let it go. This also applies to social media, where you don’t have to respond to every comment. You can mute, hide or unfollow.

setting a healthy boundary | two women seated across from one another in an office setting

Self-Advocate

In a situation where someone blatantly invalidates you, building a clear boundary allows others to know what you will not tolerate. For example, no need to apologize, simply say, “Please stop making comments about X. In the future, I will get up and leave. I will also share your comments with HR.” Strong boundaries make it clear, and those who continue to breach them are showing you a lack of respect.

Limit Your Exposure

There may be some situations where you are exposed to personalities that are annoying or you can’t control (family members, wedding guests, friend groups). While it’s important to let people know where you stand, it’s futile to constantly defend your beliefs, and minimizing exposure is the only way to disengage. Don’t waste your time trying to communicate your feelings. If you are thinking it, several more people are thinking it, as well. It is not necessary to prove a point for the sake of being right.

Finally … Ask the Direct Question

Shift the control by asking … “Why does this bother you? How does it make you feel?” Putting the focus on the offender prompts them to consider their words and intentions.

Bonus: Watch Your Tone

We often take on the other person’s persona when we feel threatened or uncomfortable. Keeping your tone of voice neutral and not matching their behavior is a reasonable antidote for yourself and the other person. There is no need to lower your standards, and the one taking the high road holds the power.

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like Diane’s article in Inc., Communicate More Clearly in Just 7 Steps. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.