Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

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Weeding Your Friendship Garden Redux: Thoughts for 2024

31 Dec 2023 By: Diane Gottsman

weeding your friendship garden | Gardening tools and flowers on the terrace in the garden

Several years ago, I wrote an article on “Weeding Your Friendship Garden,” referencing friendships and relationships that don’t work or no longer serve your highest good. As we turn our attention to 2024, you may feel an extra spark as you plan for new experiences and map out your priorities. Now feels like the perfect time to revisit the topic of friendship for those who may need a gentle reminder. Before we do our social gardening, let’s look at the value of adult friendships.

Friendship Is an Honor

As you look at the fresh pages of your 2024 planner, leave some room for reconnecting with friends you have lost touch with, or haven’t made a priority for a while. Everyone is busy and operates on different schedules, and it’s understandable that work and family may take up a great deal of your time. Still, there is value in maintaining trusted friends who add meaning to your life. Friends are a treasured support system when you are going through a rough time, or need a shoulder to lean on.

Two female friends sitting at cafe having coffee and gossiping. Female friends meeting in a coffee shop on a weekend.

The Process Is Challenging but Rewarding

Adults have a more difficult time making and maintaining friendships because their circle is smaller in many ways. There are no school playgrounds, dance classes, soccer or extracurricular activities to enjoy after a long day of learning. According to a 2021 survey, Americans have fewer friendships, and making friends is on the decline. Work is one of the most obvious places to make friends, but not always.

The Right Circle Is Life Giving

When it comes to building relationships, it’s important to cultivate the “right” type of friendships, those that will add meaning to your life, instead of settling for what you stumble upon throughout your day. Look for opportunities at church, cocktail parties and community events. Make a point of going to places and joining classes and clubs where you will meet like-minded adults. Remember, not all adults in the group will be your match, but there may be one which will turn into a lasting friendship if you keep your eyes wide open.

Having a small, but mighty group of friends will ward off loneliness and add meaning and joy to your day. They can provide support during the good times (weddings, holidays, birthdays) and offer solace during the bad (divorce, illness, death).

Group of multiethnic mature people stretching arms outdoor. Middle aged yoga class doing breathing exercise at park. Beautifil women and fit men doing breath exercise together with outstretched arms.

Social Media and Relationships

I have made several good friends over social media. Two in particular, reached out and introduced themselves, followed me, supported my posts, and then continued to share. Over time, we developed a closer relationship that turned into real friendships – holiday gift exchanges, prayers for kids and pets, and deep concern for each other’s families and lives. Be careful, however, because not all people are who they say they are, and it’s always better to err on the side of caution.

Steer Clear

Now is the time to “Weed Your Garden” of anyone who is toxic. This is the person who is envious, judgmental, critical, or controlling. If you have a friend who makes you cringe when you see their name light up on your phone, or you try to avoid most of the time, it’s not a real friendship. It’s a burden and you are being dishonest with yourself by calling them a good friend. It’s better to separate yourself from the relationship and the emotional hardship because your discernment is trying to send you a message. If you describe them as “manipulative”, “attention seeking”, “unkind”, or “disingenuous”, it’s in your best interest to step away. This type of relationship does not serve you, or your highest good.

Make 2024 the year of strong and authentic relationships. Most of all, strive to be the friend that others would love to call their own!

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go to” social and professional (manners) skills authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

You may also like Celebrating Friendship on Fox 7 Austin. See what Diane is up to by following her on Instagram and Facebook. Find etiquette inspiration on her Pinterest account and keep up with her latest tweets. For more of Diane’s etiquette tips, refer to her posts on Inc. and HuffPost. 

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Diane Gottsman

Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert and modern manners professional, sought out industry leader, television personality, accomplished speaker, Huffington Post blogger, author, and the owner of The Protocol School of Texas, a company specializing in executive leadership and etiquette training. Diane is routinely quoted in national and international media including The New York Times, The BBC, CNN, Bloomberg Business Week, Kiplinger, Huffington Post Canada, U.S. News and World Report, and Forbes. She is the resident etiquette expert for two popular morning talk shows, SA Living and Good Day Austin. She has been seen on The TODAY Show, HLN Headline News, WGN Chicago, and CBS Sunday Morning. Her clients range from university students to Fortune 500 companies and her workshops cover topics ranging from tattoos in the workplace to technology at the dinner table and the proper use of social media.