Dining Etiquette Q&A: How to Avoid Getting Stuck “Splitting” the Bill

It’s happened to all of us. You are eating out with friends and you and your date are having a modest meal while the rest of your group is ordering multiple bottles of wine and appetizers that you are NOT eating and drinking. The bill comes and someone at the table says to the server, “Just split it evenly among the group.” Do you speak up and risk looking like the dinner guest scrooge? If you say something, should your fellow guests feel offended?

How can you escape this uncomfortable dilemma without looking like you are cheap or causing an argument among your expensive, wine-drinking friends?

It all has to do with communication:

• Speak up early: As you place your order, be proactive and look directly at the server and tell them you would like separate checks, and who will be on your check as you motion towards them (i.e., it will be me and my good friend on one check). This also saves you a conversation with your tablemates, who will likely follow suit with the server.
• Say something as it’s happening: It can feel uncomfortable to speak up as your fellow guest suggests an expensive bottle of wine for the table, but it’s much better to be direct and upfront than to get stuck with a bill you aren’t comfortable paying. Use a friendly tone and say, for example, “That sounds wonderful, but I’ll be ordering my own glass.”

Commonly Asked Dining Etiquette Questions About Splitting the Bill:

Q: What should I do about the bill when everyone at the table is drinking but me?

Stay in the habit of communicating about the check with your server early, and you’ll be glad you did. You’ll be able to relax and enjoy your meal without alcohol if you wish.

Q: What if it’s a birthday party and the host is asking everyone to chip in for all of the drinks, cake and party favors?

This is something that is better to discuss in advance. Often the person bringing the cake and decorations will assume their fellow guests will take care of their portion of the bill, but it’s not fair to expect that without having had a conversation beforehand.

Q: I have a friend who never offers to help with the check when it arrives. What should I say next time so I don’t get stuck with the bill again?

A simple “Let’s go Dutch” may help, but if your friend is a repeat offender, it may be better to pass on the invitation or suggest a more affordable restaurant knowing you’ll likely be the one paying.

Q: Going out to eat can get pretty expensive, and I often feel the venue is too loud to really talk. What are some alternative ways to connect with friends?

A few easy options are going to the movies or a concert, or attending a sports event.

Q: Is it rude to ask to Venmo money to the person who offers to pay with their credit card?

This one is tricky because someone usually forgets to send the money! I recommend taking out your phone with your Venmo QR code on the spot so people can quickly scan and settle up with you. This is the only time cell phones should be used!

Q: A few of my friends are slow to pay me back when I cover the bill.  How can I politely ask for the money I was promised?

Don’t hesitate to contact your friends to follow up if they don’t pay.

You may also like Culinary Courtesy: Answering Your Dining Etiquette Qs. 

For more information about working with Diane, America’s “Go To” social and professional etiquette authority, please visit The Protocol School of Texas. 

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