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Diane Gottsman | Leading Etiquette Expert | Modern Manners Authority

Leading Etiquette Expert and Modern Manners Authority Diane Gottsman’s official blog, with Business Etiquette, University Etiquette, Social Media Etiquette, Dining Etiquette and more.

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Gift Giving Etiquette Among Friends

Dear Diane,

My birthday is coming up soon and many of my friends are asking me what I’d like for a present. How should I respond? This makes me feel a little awkward, telling them to buy me specific gifts. I don’t want to be pushy or make them feel like they have to spend a certain amount of money on me. Thanks so much for any advice you might offer.

Sincerely,
Hayley


Dear Hayley,

I understand how you’re feeling. I recently celebrated a birthday, and I went through the same dilemma. Giving people a “wish list” of sorts can feel very uncomfortable.

But, remember, those asking are probably close enough to you that they would like to give you something you “really, really” want.  After several years of receiving beautiful gifts from well-intentioned family and friends (that now sit in my closet), I started thinking considerately about how to answer the question.

Some people have a knack of buying just the right thing. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just thoughtful and something you would never think of buying for yourself. Others need a bit of guidance.

I let my friends know I would prefer an “experience” this year. I want to spend quality time with people I love, and all of them obliged. Some of us went to lunch, others selected excursions that they know I enjoy. One made me a special dinner, serving all of my favorite foods. She also gave me a pair of earrings I told her I had my eye on. Thank you, JLP!

Another surprised me with a set of lovely ceramic gourds that I will use on my tabletop, entwined with fall garland.  I would have never thought to buy this for myself, and I am so happy to have received it. Thank you, LO! Your mom and my mom was right … It truly is the thought that counts!

gourds
Lastly, feel free to give modest suggestions. You know your friends well enough to realize they wouldn’t ask if they didn’t want some hints. When a friend is in doubt, they can always go to your Pinterest page for some stealth ideas.

How sweet that you have friends who are thinking ahead. You are very lucky to have them in your life, and that is really the best birthday gift of all!

Best,
Diane

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Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert, sought after industry leader, and owner of The Protocol School of Texas,
a company specializing in executive leadership and business etiquette training.

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